I Think I'm Ready
by itsareallyweirdfeeling
Summary: This is a shayley fanfic, it basically shows what happens between them, how they are with each other; and that eventually, someday, they'll finally be together, because even though everything says the contrary, we all know they love each other. The story is so much better than the summary.
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1: I think I'm ready**

She was walking through the hallway of the set, everything was dark, she still was scared, but she had decided it, this whole thing was bullshit, she knew it was now or never, this game had to end.

There she was, looking for something in her purse, probably her car keys, she never could find them and wasted more than 10 minutes to then realize they were on her pocket, every single time.

**"Hey"**, ashley said while getting near her; shay looked away from her purse,** "are you done with your scenes?"**, ash nodded, **"just done, you?"**, shay finally found her keys on her pocket, **"same, heading home"**, ashley just stared at her a little unsure of what to do next so she just sighed **"oh..."**, shay grabbed her script and her purse,** "so, see you tomorrow?"**, she wasn't going to tell her, she was a coward **"I guess"**, so, fuckin', awkward, not what she expected at all.

Shay gave her a kind smile and started walking away, ashley knew she had to stop her **"shay!"** she joined her near the parking lot; the wind was blowing, the night was quiet, it was one of those days. As soon as she reached her, shay turned around smiling at her, ugh that smile, this is so stupid **"what's up?"** she took a deep breath and choose carefully her words **"I'm ready to commit"** there, she said it, that was it, no turning back, she wanted to pee, she tried to read shay's face but there was nothing there, but she talked** "what?"** she repeated her words slowly this time, trying to put all the meaning she could, **"that I, ashley, I'm ready to commit"**, shay didn't say anything, they just stand there, being consumed by the silence of the night, then ash tried again** "I think I'm ready"**, shay closed her eyes and opened them again in frustration** "ready for what?"**, ashley was starting to shake, she wanted to bury her face in the bushes **"ready for it..."**, shay's face was cold, confused, fuck, she screwed it up.

Then she finally spoke, but she would've preferred to have stayed in the silence **"commit? Ash, you are with Ryan, what the hell are you talking about?"** Ouch, it would've been better if she just grabbed her heart and crush it, **"listen to me, I'm done with this, I admit I was scared but you know me way too well to understand, I've never felt you know, um-"**, shay raised her hands to stop her from talking **"wait, wait, I'm going to stop you right there buddy; is this one of your pranks?"** Ash was annoyed, she was trying to explain, to open up, but there she was thinking it was some kind of sick joke** "no, what?"**, shay gave her a knowing look **"you know, what you always do, make people feel uncomfortable until you make them wanna punch you and then you stop"**, that was it, **"no, it wasn't like that; you know what? Just forget it, I'm gonna go"**, with that said, she turned back and started walking towards her car; was this a joke? Did she really think that? All she wanted right now was to go home, but she knew shay wasn't going to let it go now she was the one who screwed it up. **"ash ... c'mon, stop, wait"** shay started chasing her after realizing she was wrong. Ashley hated the way she always listened to her even though she was pissed** "tell me"** now shay was the one being careful with her words **"what happened back there?"**, but she knew better,** "nothing"**, shay tried harder **"you were saying you were ready..."**, but she cut her off **"I'm not"**, now shay was the one getting hurt,** "then why-"**, ashley rolled her eyes **"oh, just forget it, wanna come over?"**, she asked changing completely the subject to avoid the pain in her chest. Shay seemed confused but let it go **"yeah, why not, it's a 5minute drive, so"**, ash gave her a smile **"let's order some pizza and watch pitch perfect"** shay smiled back and completed** "then bridesmaids"**, she always knew what to say **"omg, my thoughts exactly"**,** "okay then, see you there"**, ash got a little annoyed** "hu? Weren't you already leaving?"** but let shay explain, **"Yeah babe, but I promised keegan I would give him a ride, I'll be at your place in 30min tops"**, ash nodded and just said** "okay"**.

Shay gave her a quick hug and went to the other side of the parking lot to meet with keegs. That poor guy really needs the lift, after all, he only owns a bike, ash laughed at the thought, but then she raised her eyebrows and stared at them "perhaps some quickie too", by the way he was staring at shay's ass…, he smiled at her while saying something in her ear, well that's rude! Shay wasn't looking annoyed though…

When she entered her apartment, she laid lazily in her couch, the day had been overwalming, 10 scenes in 14 hours, it must be some new record.

She waited for shay to come, but she was starving so, she went to the kitchen opened the fridge and grabbed a piece of cake her mother baked for her. Tasting the first bite she screamed** "this is the best thing ever!"**, and then a voice came mockingly through the door** "really? I thought my peppered pizza was"** ash was taken by surprise, shay had arrived, she always did that, entered whenever she wanted, most of the times scaring her.

She turned to see her, **"na, yours goes to the never again pile!"** shay just rolled her eyes **"whatever, what ya doing?"** she sat next to her in the couch,** "watching gossip girl. The finale sucked"**, shay agreed **"i knoww, so out of line"**, ash kept starring at the tv **"yeah, and blair is being such an idiot"**, shay rested her head on the couch,** "yes but dan and serena are back together, finally"**, this kind of conversations always made them discuss, but ashley never gave up,** "the fuck are you saying?, dude, they just slept together because blair left dan without any explanation, that's low"** shay smiled, ashley was so stubborn, **"caalm down, I'm just saying, everything's back to normal"**, ash snapped back **"back to boring you'd say"**, shay knew how ashley behaved about her favorite shows so she just changed the subject, **"so, plans for vacations?"** **"I don't know, new york perhaps"**, ash grabbed the remote control and started changing channels,** "with who?"** she kept zapping without even bother to see what was on **"Ryan I guess, or... Vanessa"** shay looked at her playfully annoyed** "oh okay"**, she said while crossing her arms and turned to face the television, ashley laughed because she knew how it bothered shay when she talked about vanessa, they became best friends when ash was filming spring breakers, and that made shay a little jealous** "ohh, I'm just kidding idiot, of course you'd be first than Vanessa"** she said with a british accent, shay grinned, and hugged her** "I knew you would never leave your mate behind (she said playing with her british accent)!"**, ash hugged her harder and placed her face on her hair, she smelled like roses, she loves roses, **"neverr, now get off me"**, she said while pulling shay down, she was on top of her because of the hugging.

Shay faked being offended, and opened her mouth with indignation.  
Ashley only laughed harder, she always did that, shay sometimes teased her too, but that's how they were, and that's what kept them so close, those stupid little things.  
In no time, they forgot about any awkwardness they had earlier, and spent the whole night talking and laughing. That's how they were, since the beginning, until the end, always good for each other.


	2. Chapter 2

_Disclaimer: I don't own pretty little liars or any of these characters._

Okay guys thank you for all the support with the fic, this is awesome; now let me fill you up. This story happens some weeks before ashley leaves to Venice to promote spring breakers until now, I'm going to write according to what I see happens in real life, tweets, ustreams, and stuff; the first chapter was to give you a clue to where I wanna go with them, like a preview, but it's going to be a long way from here, from chapters 3 to 5 It's going to be before ashley leaves and when she left; I'm not promising endgame or anything, let's just see how this goes.

**Chapter 2: The Perfect Pair**

Everybody knew how things were with them, always together; they ate together, sit next to each other on table reads, script rehearsal, breaks, hang on each other's apartments; they just knew how they were, and they never complained, because they were cute. They were used to their long conversations during scenes, Marlene knew how to make them keep a straight face while doing the liars scenes, and they were all used to their nicknames, not being weird for them at all.

"It's like this, honey" shay said while helping Ashley.

"Noo, Shannon, you are doing it wrong" ash replied hitting shay's hand.

"No, you are!" shay replied. Ashley stopped trying and looked at her annoyed "How?"

Shay grabbed the mug and showed her, "You have to put the coffee and the sugar first then the water and then the milk, it would never cream out if you do it like that", Shay said while preparing a cappuccino.

"Cream out? Is that a new word?" ash teased, "Shut up", shay didn't look away from the coffee while saying this, making Ashley smile.

Knowing shay won't let her help, she just went to lay on the couch near their favorite place on earth: crafty.

Ashley just laid there, and was getting bored, so she started saying Spanish words making no sense, "Asi, asi, pantalones azules, zapatos rotos", shay laughed so hard the coffee spilled on the table.

"Taco- heyyy, what the fuck you just do?!" Shay turned back, her t-shirt was wet "You made me do it!" she said while looking for something to clean the mess.

"Me? How?! I was like 3 meters away", Shay just kept laughing "ugh, you're so silly I can't", she finally found some paper and started drying.

Ash grinned like an idiot and joined her laugh, shay was right though, sometimes she was such an idiot around her, but it was because she just felt she could be her entire self when they were together, and wasn't ashamed about it.

"Okay, now you have to make me another cappuccino, Canadian", shay sat on the couch next to her, "You're crazy, I am not doing another one"

"Ohhh c'moon shannon, anon, shanoongen, shampoo..., shay c'mon!" Shay couldn't keep a serious face watching ash begging, something about her face was just too funny, hilarious to be exact; but she was too lazy to make another one "no, I'm really not in the mood, maybe later".

Ashley stopped begging and turned back, "Fuck you then".

Shay opened her mouth until she thought her lips were going to crack "What have you just said?"

Ash started giggling, "Nothing", shay insisted offended "Yes you did", ash ignored shay's tone and didn't make it a big deal "nope", she said while grabbing a magazine "ugh, you're so rude", Shay complained, giving her an angry look.

But, instead of apologizing, ash smiled and put the magazine in her face "Look who's here!" Shay looked in front of her and saw it was "seventeen" magazine, where she was on the front cover.

"Still not talking to you", she said looking away.

Ashley moved the magazine to her lap and started reading it "Well, I'm still taking this home", shay still not looking at her, asked annoyed "Why?", ashley didn't look at her but smiled "Because I wanna see what you said about me".

Shay sighed uninterested "I didn't talk about you", Ashley turned back to face her "Yes you did!" now shay was facing her too, "What? I didn't benzo", ash made a sad face "really? Not a word?"

"No oh", shay replied.

"Oh, okay", ash said while throwing the magazine in the pile with the others, "Then, be ordinary like the rest of them"

Shay laughed "Ordinary for not talking about you?"

Ashley nodded, "Yep, you can't appreciate the good stuff", sometimes she was so egocentric.

Shay rolled her eyes and stood up "I have to go, my scenes are next", ashley stayed there looking up at her; her eyes were like a mirror, she knew her so well, she couldn't believe it was even possible to know someone that well…

"When you'll be done with your scenes?" Ashley asked.

Shay grabbed her phone that was on the couch and answered, "I don't know, around 11", ash made a thoughtful face, "oh okay, am or pm?"

Shay couldn't help but laugh, "pm silly, I'm not filming 'till tomorrow", realization hit ash's face "oh, right, I was kidding", she wasn't.

"Okay, gotta go, bye buddy", shay said with a sweet voice and gave ash a quick kiss on the cheek before walking away.

**.**

It was 12pm and ash was just leaving when she found Lucy arguing loudly with Shay, both of them seemed really mad, so she decided to keep a distance, things were going to get heavy.

"I have told you like a thousand times Lucy, I didn't know it was yours and it was an accident!" Lucy looked really pissed "How could you not know it was mine? I've been showing it off all day!"

Shay was calm and trying to explain "I wasn't with everybody this afternoon Lucy, I was working"

She raised her hands on the air, angry as hell, "Really? Or you were just being lazy as always with Ashley eating all the catering food?!" Ashley opened her mouth offended, how dare she.

"Does it even matter? We were talking about your coat luce", ashley knew where this was going.

"Yeah the one you ruined, with your stupidity ", Oh no, Ashley could tell shay was getting angry too.

"Don't you dare call me stupid, I'm being the reasonable one here, don't make me do something I'll regret", Lucy frowned her lips and gave her a bitter smile "oh my god, are you threatening me? Like, really?", but shay instead of continue the argument, she just sighed "ugh I'm not, just, sorry, okay?"

Lucy's voice went down back to normal "easy for you to say, after you broke my 600dollar new coat", they were fixing it "I didn't see it, I'm sorry; I'll pay you back I swear".

Lucy and shay began to relax and Lucy hold shay's hand, "You know what? It's okay; sorry I acted like a lunatic"

"Forgiven", they both smiled and hugged each other.

Ash started walk towards them clapping "owww you guys, that was so cute", Lucy and shay turned back and saw Ashley with a mocking smile walking towards them.

"So, who won the fight? I'll definitely would've bet on Lucy", she laughed at her own comment. "You had to ruin the moment, hadn't you?" shay said it smiling, so ash knew she was kidding.

Lucy smiled to her, "We had a little argument, but it's all fine now", shay agreed "yeah.., everything's okay"

"Oh! Luce, you wanna come to my place? Ash and I were going to have dinner", Ashley was more than okay with it, she loved Lucy.

"I would love to, but I promised my boyfriend I'll have dinner with him-"

"Ryan!" Ashley said loudly tapping her forehead with her hand, shay looked at her sharply "You haven't told him?"

Ash shook her head with frustration, because she couldn't find her phone "Oh my god, I totally forgot, I have to call him"

Shay took ash's hand to stop her, "Don't bother, tell him to come over", Ashley hold shay's hand involuntarily, and look right into her eyes "Really?" she asked.

Too soon, they let go of each other "Yeah, why not? I love Ryan! -she didn't-", but it made ashley smile, "All right!", she said excited; she often wondered what had she done to have such an amazing friend.

"Text him to be there in an hour" Shay said.

Ash texted ry, and then she lift up her face with a huge smile "done and done bosss!"Shay returned the smile and turned to face Lucy who was standing there awkwardly. "Well, we gotta keep going, bye Luce, take care, love you", they both gave her a quick hug and went to shay's car.

"We are using yours? What about mine?" Ashley said worriedly.

"I'll drive you to work tomorrow"

Shay was so kind to her, "Fine, thank you poca"

For some reason, Shay hated that nickname, "Don't call me like that"

Ash couldn't understand why sometimes shay was so unsecure; she was perfect, "All right Shannon, but why? You look just like Pocahontas"

Shay turned on the car and before started going she looked at Ash, and said with a cold voice "I don't"

But she forgot that Ashley was stubborn and really immature; she wasn't letting this go easily, "Yes you do, you're beautiful and kind-", shay was looking at her with the sweetest smile and made ash's heart melt "And you know um, tanned and shit", shay laughed at her eloquence, "Thanks babe"

"Whatever", Ashley replied, while looking for something in her purse.

She didn't like to feel naked; when she exposed her heart and feelings like that, that's how she felted, completely naked, and she wasn't good at dealing with stuff like that, so, she just ignored it.

**.**

On the way to shay's place, ash was changing every 15 seconds the radio stations, but shay didn't mind, she knew how to handle ash. She was like a little kid, a bubbly little kid.

"Are you going to cook?" she asked out of the blue, as always.

"Nope, we should buy something", ash grinned; she loved food, that was one of the many things they had in common.

"Chinese food", they both said at the same time, and burst into laughter, "We are doing it again!"

"I know! It's getting kind of creepy how much we know each other you know", shay finished her sentence laughing.

"Well, you are my other half after all", Ashley said with a huge smile.

"My other half", shay said with her British accent, "Oh yes, mate".

Ashley loved how everything was always so easy with them, they never had problems at all, and they agreed in almost everything, that's basically how they became best friends. There was a really strong connection between them, even before starting the show, the first time ashley saw her, she knew; she knew somehow that tanned, tall, nervous girl, was going to be part of her life, she knew she was going to get the part, she just knew.

**.**

When they entered the apartment, they left the food on the kitchen table, went to shay's room, and just lay in the bed; they were so tired, it had been a long day. Lately, work had been really intense, they needed to rest.

"I'm so tired!" Ashley screamed, while turning to see Shay, who was looking at the ceiling.

"Me too, I just wanna sleep", she said turning to face Ashley.

They looked at each other for a long time, shy smiles, nice silence; the kind of silence you only enjoy with your best friends, and the people closest to you; comforting silence. Shay couldn't believe Ashley's eyes were real, they were so blue… She had the most beautiful eyes she'd ever seen in her life; and when they looked at her, they were so deep, deep blue eyes, you could easily get lost in them…

"Deep blue eyes", she whispered, and realized what she had said a second after, she wanted to slapped herself, what was she thinking?

Ashley just stared at her confused, and closed her eyes, and open them again, trying to figure out if she had dreamed it, but she knew how embarrassed shay was, so she didn't tease her, "They are really blue".

Shay looked down at her pillow; Ashley could tell she was ashamed, "Yeah…"

Ashley stared at her for a brief moment, and said "Yours are brown, so, I won, right?" It worked, shay was laughing, and the tension was gone.

Shay stopped laughing and gave Ashley a worried look "Where's Ryan?"

"I really don't know, he said he'll be here, I'm getting hungry", Ash grabbed her phone and called her boyfriend, she was hungry, and a hungry Ashley wasn't nice, ever.

When Ryan picked up, Ashley didn't even let him talk "Where the hell are you? I'm starving!" 5 seconds passed, "What?" 3 seconds, "You know what? We're going to start without you, I've had a really stressful day and I don't need this shit" 6 more seconds, "Okay, see you in 5", 3 seconds; her face soften, "I love you too", oh, mad again "I swear if you-", calm face, "Okay, bye".

Shay knew how mean and controlling Ashley was with Ryan, they weren't always cute, "So? What did he said?"

Ashley was taken by surprise, there were times when she forgot shay was there listening every single thing she said, "Oh, he's coming right now, if not; we are going to start without him".

Shay didn't like how it sounded like, she hated being on the middle of their fights, "We could wait ash, I don't mind".

Ash gave her a sweet look, "You see? You are way too nice shay, and I love that, but if he's not here soon, I won't give a fuck".

Shay complained, "Ash…"

Ashley always thought friends were first than boys, it was a rule she'd always applied, and Ryan wasn't an exception, "I mean it! I know you are hungry too, I can see it in your eyes babe; besides, I have my other half here, we don't need him".

Shay smiled but reminded her, "You do, don't say that", she was way too kind for her own good.

"Shay, you know that for me you are first.., you know that, right?" Shay was confused now, "How's that?"

Ashley sat on the floor and stared at Shay who was still on the bed "You are my person, what's you it's me, you cry I hold you, I fall, you lift me up higher, we laugh 'till our faces turn blue; we are two minds in one body Shannon, and it's because of you, that I know I'll never be alone, because you are my rock, and I'm sure you are never going to leave me. It's been like this since we met, for almost 3 and a half years, and Ryan, he's just a boy", Ashley's eyes were full of truth and honesty.

Shay tried to ignore the joy she was feeling listening to Ashley's words; she hide the feeling and didn't react the way she wanted to "Well, friends go first", she said while grabbing a pillow and resting her head on it.

"Do I go first?" Ashley asked while looking at her with doubt and a little of fear; scared she wouldn't feel the same.

Shay locked eyes with her, staring; she couldn't explain how fuckin' real that moment was, their eyes full of adoration; what they had was something that took her breath away, it was so deep, so pure…, she really didn't have the words to explain it; every time they were together it was just, perfect, there wasn't another word to describe it, everything about them just felt right.

And there she was, soul completely naked, eyes full of promises, holding into the sensation. All her thoughts were killing her, the anxiety to hear her answer.

After a minute that seemed like 3 hours, Shay finally reacted; gave her a truthful smile, and whispered to her heart, "Always".

.

**Tell me what you think, too cheesy? I thought that the third time I read it, it's going to get so much interesting tho, hope you liked it.**


	3. Chapter 3

_Now, this is basically where I wanted to get, this is three days before Ashley left. I don't quite know if Ashley broke up with Ryan or not so, I'll just assume she did._

**Chapter 3: Ustream/ I'll Miss You**

Ashley was leaving and shay was sad, but she didn't really show it. Ash was going to Venice, and Toronto to promote Spring Breakers; her new movie. She was really excited and telling everybody about it, a little too often.

"I can't believe I'm leaving in three days!" Ash screamed near Troian's ear, making her jump a little bit; "Yes Ashley, we know, you are going to Venice" Troian said focusing on her phone.

Ash was jumping all over the place smiling to everybody and once a while screaming in their ears to annoy them "I'm so excited! I'm going to eat pizza, and chocolate cake, and-"

Shay who was sitting in a chair next to Troian, saw that ash was being too annoying, and rolled her eyes "Okay, we get it, you're excited" she said while passing careless the pages of the magazine she was reading.

Ashley stopped jumping around and looked at her offended "Whoa, rudeness!"

Shay looked at her, eyes leaving the magazine "I'm not being rude, I'm just saying that we all know ash, and we are very happy for you-"

"I know; I'm fab" Ash said giving her a huge smile.

Shay wanted to say _"but you don't have to remind us every single second"_, but she didn't; Ashley looked way too happy and she wasn't going to take that away from her, so she just said, "Yes you are", and continued reading her magazine.

Ashley observed shay as she passed page by page, she was so calm and quiet when she was with a lot of people; she smiled, she really was going to miss her, they are used to be together every second of everyday, and it was going to be weird no to be around her for an entire week.

"We're still having dinner tonight?" Ash asked; eyes not leaving her sight. Shay's eyes left the magazine and looked at her "Yeah, I made a reservation; we'll go on our break"

"All right, can't wait" Ashley looked at her simpering.

Shay smiled, and touched gently her cheek and said with a baby voice, "You're so cute", Ashley closed her eyes smiling harder; she looked like a baby cat being stroked.

Marlene entered the room looking pissed, and that was not a good sign; they all turned back to see her, including Shay and Ash who were in their little bubble.

"What are you doing all here?! I said 4pm on location! Are you people deaf or something?! It's 6pm!" she said angrily.

Ashley was the one who broke the silence, "We thought-", but she was cut off immediately by Shay "Shhh"; she silenced her, before she made up a lame excuse that would get them all in trouble.

Marlene looked at them and said "What are you waiting? Move!" the last thing was an order, she shouted it. Everybody stood up ashamed and started going to their respective sets; but before going, Shay blew Ashley a kiss, and Ash did the same.

"See ya babe" Shay said winking at Ash.

They both shared a smile before being shouted by Marlene "You two stop flirting and go to work!"

Ashley and shay laughed loudly and left the room by opposite ways.

**.**

They arrived at the restaurant at 10pm, Mexican food; they ate, talked about their day, but the main topic was what keegan said to Shay earlier; and like a good best friend, she asked Ashley for advice.

"Really?" Ash asked before having a big bite of her taco.

"Yes, it was so weird" Shay answered drinking her Margarita.

Ashley's food fell on her plate and she mumbled a fast _"shit"_, she grabbed a napkin and cleaned her mouth before talking, "But, are you sure he meant it that way?" Shay laughed at Ash's silliness and said with a mysterious voice, "Well, we've having this vibe for a while now"

Ashley opened her eyes till she thought they were going to fall out "You have?" she hasn't told her anything about it, what the fuck?

Shay gave her an apologetic smile for not telling her sooner "Yes; I haven't told anybody by the way, you can't tell anyone; but, you know, we´ve been having this thing, attraction, I don't know, just the way we look at each other like-"

"You want to undress each other" Ashley finished her sentence teasing her.

"Shut up!" Shay said, tapping her arm and laughing, "Why? It's completely normal" Ashley said, giving her a devilish smile.

"But it's keegs ash, he's my friend" Shay was really confused, and ash was still bugging her, "Haven't you seen friends with benefits, with my girl, Mila Kunis?"

Shay laughed "Yes, we did benzo, but I won't do that with him…"

"Do you want to?" The question was stupid; she saw the answer in shay's eyes. Shay looked at her doubtful and said "It's been a while, you know?"

She looked so cute when she was embarrassed, Ash couldn't help to tease her, she was so easy "Oh my god, how much?" she emphasized the word _"how"_ making Shay blush.

"I've told you how much" Shay said shyly but smiling; "I don't remember" Ash pushed.

"Umm, 8, 7 moths?" Shay answered laughing.

Ashley pulled back on her sit and said "Holy shit!" hey there, exaggerated. "I told you it's been a while" Shay said not giving importance to her confession.

Ashley stopped laughing, and gently touched her arm "Shay, you know…, I'm here for you, for whatever you need" Ash said with a grin and raised her eyebrows.

Shay hit her hand and laughed "Oh shut up", Ashley laughed back and hold her hand "I mean it" she said dramatically.

"You're mad" Shay replied rolling her eyes and drinking more of her drink.

"For you" Ashley replied.

"Ashley, stop it!" Shay snapped; Ashley couldn't help the laughter right now, she laughed so hard people were beginning to stare.

"Oh my god" Ash said trying to catch her breath, "I love you"

"Stupid" Shay said looking at her; she was red from laughing so much, like she said, stupid. Ashley had this huge smile that shay couldn't resist so she had to smile back.

"We have to see what to do with horny keegs now" Ash said drinking a bit of her tequila, she loved tequila.

"It'll be fine" Shay said eating her food and smiling softly.

Ashley put her glass on the table and opened her mouth, "Oh my god, you are going to fuck him, aren't you?"

Shay left her fork in her plate and looked at her annoyed "I'm not going to fuck him dumbass", but Ashley didn't change her surprised face, "You totally are! I want details, honey"

"Yeah, like the ones you gave me, after sleeping with Ryan?" Shay said raising an eyebrow. "It wasn't a big thing" Ash said while closing her mouth and looking down at her food.

"Oh, really?" Shay asked with a huge teasing smile. Ash understood the meaning of her words a minute later, and rolled her eyes "I didn't mean it like that".

Shay turned her head back to her plate, smile never leaving her face "If you said so".

"He's a really good kisser, you know" Ash said, "The best kiss I've ever had was with him", Shay looked at her and opened her mouth in a cute way, "Owww, you two are sweet" She said smirking.

"I know" Ashley took her fork and kept eating.

"Are you okay?" Shay asked. "Yeah, that's the whole point of a relationship, you know?" Shay knew something was bugging Ashley, "Ash, what's up, you can't lie to me" Shay said trying to make her talk.

"Ugh, it's Ryan, okay? We…, broke up" Ash said looking down; Shay stared at her trying to comfort her, but how?

"I'm so sorry Ash, you didn0t say anything, but, why?" Shay asked trying not to push her too far.

"We were fighting too much, and he was mad because I was leaving to the festival, and ugh, he's an asswhole" Ashley answered angrily, trying to avoid a tear that wanted to come out.

Shay waited for her to finish, wipe the tear from her eye and touched gently her cheek "It will be fine, you will go to Venice, have fun, forget about this, and when you come back, you'll talk with him, if it's meant to be you will fix it, and if not, there was an Ashley before and after Ryan; besides, he's not the only man in the world"

Ashley smiled at her; "Thanks", she said weakly.

Shay didn't like seeing her sad, so she just changed the subject, "Wanna watch a movie at my place after work?" Ash was caught off guard but said "Sure, why not?" Shay smiled pleased "Okay"

"I want dessert though" Ash complained, "_kid", _shay thought, "Wait until we get to my place" Shay answered not noticing the change on Ash's face, who opened her eyes, and gave her a funny smile "What?" Shay laughed, getting her joke "I have ice cream silly"

"My favorite" Ash said.

"I know" Shay replied, before cleaning her mouth with a napkin.

**.**

When they got to Ashley's dressing room, they throw themselves into the couch. Shay was beginning to relax and was going to fall asleep when suddenly Ashley got up and said smiling "We should do a Ustream!" Shay raised her head to look at her "Right now?" she asked making herself comfortable in the couch.

"Yeah! Why not? It's been a long time shay, our fans must be pissed", ash said turning on the laptop that was in the table in front of the couch.

Shay got up and went to the bathroom; Ashley watched her going and asked her "Where are you going? I'm tweeting we are doing the Ustream"

"If we are doing this, I have to get ready, I'm not letting anyone to see me like this", she shouted back and started applying her makeup.

Ashley smiled; shay was such a girly girl, always neat. In some things they were completely opposites; Shay liked pink, Ashley liked black, Shay was sweet and polite, Ashley was more of a gangsta, badass kind of girl; Shay was mature (well, most of the times), ashley was a prankster, she behaved like a 7 year old kid sometimes; Ashley hated school because she got distracted with almost everything, Shay was a good girl who thought school was a good thing.

Ashley was the sunshine in shay's life, and shay kept the balance on Ashley's; if she was crossing some line, shay would stop her and she would control herself avoiding uncomfortable situations and bad looks. She was the one who made her a better person, sometimes the one who made her believe in herself, encouraging her to do things she thought impossible, helping her to get over her fears; like when they went ice skating in New York, she was with her the whole time, holding her hand and made her relax, and in the end she made it, and even liked it.

Everything was ready; they were on "Okay come on in now Shannon" Ashley said with a British accent, shay laughed and sat next to her in the couch. }

They talked about everything and anything, Ashley teased shay with her Halloween costume, and shay teased her back with her bonjour and dance lessons. But something happened; Ashley was a little uncomfortable, there was some unusual tension after Lindsey joined them, Ashley didn't want it to happen, but she got jealous, for some reason she felt like she was left behind. Lindsey and Shay had gotten really close, and Ashley has always been kind of overprotective with Shay; she was her best friend, but it seemed like Lindsey and Shay were the best friends there and she was the third wheel, even though, it was clear that they were much more close, still, she was annoyed, but at the end it was fun, people were mad at them because of the prank but they forgave them.

"That was fun!" Lindsey said after they ended the Ustream.

"Yeah, Ash and I do it now and then, we used to do it more often, but there's not enough time", Ashley nodded with a sad face "We keep promising we'll do a youtube show, but we just can't find the time"

"I know, work consumes us", Lindsey replied while looking at her watch "Talking about work, I have to go, Paily duties", she said while giving them an apologetic smile.

"It's okay, you can go Shawster" Shay said smiling back.

Ashley was looking at her phone and didn't pay attention; Lindsey stood up and waved them goodbye; shay hit ash's arm "Oh, bye Lindsey, have a nice evening", Ashley said before looking again at her phone.

After Lindsey left, Ashley could tell Shay was angry, but she didn't say anything and started watching breaking bad on the laptop, Ashley saw her on the corner of her eye, while pretending being really interested on her Iphone.

20 minutes later, Ashley got tired of pretending and lay next to shay on the couch, she didn't do anything to get apart, but when ash tried to rest her head on her shoulder she pulled away.

"Okay, what's wrong with you?" Ashley asked hurt because of how she rejected her.

"I don't know; why don't you just stare at your phone? It seems to have all the answers", by her cold voice, Ashley could tell Shay was really mad, and she almost never gets mad, shit.

"What? What did I do?" Ashley pretended being clueless.

"What did you do? Well Ashley, I don't know, perhaps being completely rude to one of our colleagues and did I mention? A dearest friend of mine-"

"I wasn't ru –"Ash was soon silenced by shay who haven't finished talking; "Or perhaps, not giving a fuck about how I was feeling about it and kept doing whatever but apologizing or explaining why you were being such and asswhole", Shay finally stopped talking, took a deep breath and let it go fast, she was on fire.

"Well, if you crave Lindsey that much, why don't you go with her and eat some skittles, perhaps you two could become best friends and have your own ustreams!" Ashley shouted back, this whole thing was getting on her nerves.

Shay stared at her speechless; she was jealous, she, Ashley Benson, the girl who didn't give a fuck about almost anything, got jealous, just because Lindsey joined their Ustream, she really didn't know what to say this time.

"I was just-, I'm sorry, okay? I was feeling a little left out there, and I got upset, it's stupid I know, I shouldn't have acted like that" And she was apologizing to her, Shay was stunned.

"Shay! I said I'm sorry, say something" Ash said, and bit her lip nervously.

"Okay…, it's okay babe" Shay answered smiling.

"That's all? Not even a mind fuck comment or something?" Ash asked confused, where did all the anger go? "No, we're fine buddy, come here" She said pulling Ash into a hug, and caressing her head.

"I'm confused, you were pissed" Ash asked wrapping her arms around shay's waist and hiding her face in her chest.

"You never give a fuck about anything, so I forgave you because you were just jealous, and I think that's amazing coming from you, you have amazed me benzo" Shay said looking at her.

Ashley didn't say anything and smiled back, but not before thinking to herself _"you amaze me too; it amazes me how I can be so different with you, how connected I feel to you; you, are the one who amazes me, I'm an idiot"._

**.**

After they finished watching the movie, they were just there in the darkness resting their eyes when ash's voice killed the silence.

"I'm leaving tomorrow" she said turning her head so it was looking at Shay who was lying in the bed, eyes closed, resting her head in a pillow that was leaning on the headboard.

"You're leaving in two days" Shay corrected, lazy voice and eyes still closed.

"Same thing" Ashley replied impatient, "I'm going to Vegas first", Ashley frowned; Shay was so uninterested on talking to her right now.

"Whatever" Shay replied yawning. Ashley sighed getting annoyed.

"You're gonna miss me?" Ash asked while getting closer to her, resting her head on her shoulder and looking up to hear her answer.

This time, Shay opened her eyes to see her face "Yes I am".

"How much?" Ash asked, and smiled when she saw what her question cause on Shay, leaving her half smiling half sad.

"A lot" Shay answered, and ash could see the truth and misery in her eyes.

Ash hugged her tight, and held her hand in hers, smelling her perfume, getting dizzy, "I'm really going to miss this" Shay kissed her forehead, and rested her cheek on it.

Shay sighed before saying, "Me too, you are-"

"You are too" Ash said while raising her head and looking into her eyes. It was like everything they wanted to say they already knew, even though, none of them said it, they knew; it was like they could read their minds, Ashley knew what Shay was thinking, and she was feeling exactly the same, it was going to be hard being apart.

"Don't eat too much, okay?" Shay said letting a tear fall down her cheek, just one, she couldn't expose too much, so she cleaned it with her thumb.

Ashley saw her sob and her heart jumped to the roof; then she held her cheek with her right hand and said "Without you? Never"

Shay smiled, missing the contact when ash's hand left her cheek, "Promise?"

Ashley looked at her and said smiling "I swear"

They both laughed and wished, hoped, they could stay like this forever, so calm, relaxed. Ashley was going to miss her so bad; Shay was her center, her balance; the way she held her made her feel warm and peaceful. Without her she was selfish and a little annoying, but those things were forgotten by her sense of humor, that's why she had lots of friends that loved her; but she felt, that Shay, made her a better person, she loved herself when she was with her; she was different, good different, they were always laughing, but they also talked about feelings and important stuff; she wouldn't change that for anything. And then it hit her; shay was in fact, her home.

.

**Tell me if you're liking where this is going; and by where I mean, I have no idea, I'll just keep writing and I don't know; I hope you liked it, THANK YOU ALL OF YOU FOR YOUR REVIEWS, it really makes my day reading them.**


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4: Distance**

Ashley woke up, she had gone clubbing yesterday; she was dead, her head was exploding, and everything was spinning; she got way too drunk last night. How had she even gotten into bed? She didn't remember, and she didn't actually care either.

She stood up and went to take a shower, while the hot water was falling down her body, she remembered that Shay called her yesterday, and they were both drunk; Shay had gone to some party of a friend, and she was turning upside down Venice. She had so much fun, but she would've loved to have her with there, she missed her company.

When she got out of the shower, her phone was ringing, so, she picked it up.

"Hello?" Ash said with a neutral voice.

"Whoa! Don't be too cold, it's me" a familiar voice said, Ashley smiled; her voice was weird.

"Shannon; your voice sounds different" Ash said. "I don't know, it must be the signal or something, but you recognized me, so, it's not that different" Shay replied.

"You sound like A" Ash teased her, "Shut up!" Shay said laughing.

"How are you doing after your wild night? rawr!" Ashley said joking.

"I'm fine; but my head hurts and there's a man sleeping in my bed" Shay said whispering, emphasizing every word so Ash could hear.

"What?!" Ash screamed.

Shay laughed loudly, "I'm just kidding idiot; I'm with Michaela, we had a sleepover" Ash got jealous, Shay always stayed at her place after parties.

"Cool, so, what are you guys doing?" Ash asked trying to keep it cool and casual.

"Nothing, I'm just lying lazily in bed and she's taking a shower I think, she's in the bathroom; but whatever, how are you? I'm really happy for you ash, you're doing it great!" Shay said cheerily.

Ash smiled, "You're the sweetest, I swear; it's been the most amazing experience of my life, I can't wait to go to Canada; the people shay, I saw Shia LaBeouf, Peter Brook, It was so dreamy, all the lights on my face, I've never felt that way. And the first time we all saw the movie, man, I cried like a baby, the movie is beyond good, you'll love it, well, most of it" Ash said grinning, she was really excited on telling everything to Shay.

"Owww, my ash is growing up" Shay said in a sweet voice, making Ash laugh and miss her more.

Suddenly, Ash heard snoring sounds coming behind her; she was sitting in one side of the bed, her feet touching the floor; she turned back and saw Sidney sleeping next to her, full clothes on, thank god; then she raised her head higher and saw Vanessa and Selena sleeping on the floor, she mumbled a low _"shit"_.

"What happened?" Shay asked worried because of the sudden silence.

"Nothing", Ashley quickly replied. Sidney started moving and yawning; then he sat and hugged Ashley from behind, making her shiver, "Good morning, beautiful" he said in a sexy voice.

"Hi" Ashley replied pulling him away, making him laugh.

"Whoa! Why the hostility, we had a great time yesterday" he joked.

"Shut up Sid, I know for a fact that we didn't have sex" Ashley answered annoyed, covering her phone with her hand. Sidney laughed, "All right, I was kidding", Ashley rolled her eyes and laughed "Go to your room" Sidney smiled and got up from the bed "Easy with Vanessa and the baby, they could drown with their own saliva", Ashley threw him a pillow.

"Just saying, princess" he said laughing and closed the door on his way out.

Ashley smirked and put the phone again in her ear "I'm sorry for that"

"Who was that?" Shay asked curiously; "Just an idiot; one of my cast mates, apparently he stayed over" Ash said casually.

"Oh, so you had a little sleepover, don't cha slut?" Shay said in a sexy voice, teasing her. Ashley laughed so hard she woke up Vanessa who said "Ouch, my whole body hurts, where the fuck I am?" she finished her sentence standing up touching her head.

"It wasn't like that idiot, we didn't fuck, he probably was too drunk to even stand up" Ash said making signs to Vanessa to get close to her.

Shay laughed, "You're crazy, I bet you don't even remember how you got to your room, but whatever; listen babe, Michaela is going to use your drawer, because she's going to stay for a few days, all right?" Shay asked for her permission; but Ash wanted to say no; it was her drawer, hers; she hated when people touched her stuff; her best friend, her shit.

"Yeah, just don't let her disorder my clothes, please" Ash said a little annoyed.

"Our plane leaves in 3 hours, we should change, hun" Vanessa told her, resting her head in her legs that now were stretched on the bed.

"Vanessa is right, I have a plane to catch; I'm going to your ho-o-me mitchie, beautiful Canada, well, Toronto, whatever; I'm so excited! If this two days were the best, imagine when I get to Canada, my baby's country, Ugh, you should've come, idiot" Ash finished the sentence angry, she really wanted to be in Canada with Shay, it was one of the things they said they were going to do together.

"I know babe, I'm so sorry, but you know my family is in town and I have the photoshoot I told you, we will go one day, I promise" Shay said, the sadness in her voice was honest.

"That is law; I have to go, but we'll be in touch okay? Bye, I love you" Ashley said, and got distracted by Vanessa awakening Selena, who was a mess.

"I love you too buddy, and I'll be sending good vibes to you, good luck on Canada, and have a safe flight" Shay replied. "Goodbye Mitch" Ash said with a sweet voice.

"Bye Benz" Shay answered with a smile ash couldn't see, but she knew she felt it.

**.**

Ashley was in her hotel room watching TV, she was really tired but happy; Toronto and Venice had been amazing, probably the best experience of her life. Nothing could ever beat the feeling of being surrounded by all those great actresses, actors, directors, producers, and all the cameras capturing everything of that glorious moment, she felt like a rockstar.

She was lying on her bed wearing a white t-shirt that said 'I crave Cali' that she bought in a hipster shop earlier, and some grey pants. She was zapping, but almost every show was in French, so, she starting repeating the words trying to learn, when she heard a knock on the door; she stood up, walk towards the door lazily and opened the door."Hey!" Selena said happily raising 2 movies and a bowl of pop corn near her head.

Ashley smiled and let her in "I was going to sleep but I can do with your company" she said smiling. Selena smiled back, walked towards the bedroom and threw herself in the king bed, leaving the movies and the bowl aside.

"Today was amazing! I seriously haven't felt that nervous in my life; I thought I was going to pass out, it was so unreal; the people, the place, everything" Selena said excited.

"I know! It was beyond amazing, it was like a dream, I swear I would've passed out if you guys haven't been there, it was like, the best experience, seriously" Ashley said lying her head on the bed.

"That's true" Selena said while going to put the movie into the DVD that was near the TV.

"What movie is it?" Ash asked, getting herself comfortable.

"American Pie", Selena said smiling.

"Oh my god, that's a classic", Ash said eating some pop corn.

She was waiting for Selena to start the movie when her phone vibrated with a notification, she grabbed it and saw Shay had tweeted her, she quickly scrolled her mentions, and there it was, "So proud of my lil cub AshBenzo, get it girl!", Ashley's smile grew bigger until she was grinning. She replied as fast as she could, and then sent her a DM "I miss you more than smileess, skype?" she waited for her response when she heard Selena laughing with the beginning of the movie, "This is so stupid" Selena said with a wide smile. Ashley smiled and saw Shay had replied, _"I miss you too babe; I'd love to, are you online?"_ Ash texted immediately _"Yess, so get your sassy ass into your computer, I have a lot to tell you, angel face" _Ash knew that'll make Shay laugh; that nickname is used all the time by Jenna Marbles, their favorite youtuber.

Selena came closer to her and rested her chin on her shoulder to see who she was texting, "Who are you texting benz?" ashley looked at her and answered "Shay, we haven't talked in 2 days, the last time was before we travel here"

"Ohh, I know how close you guys are, what did she said?" Selena asked; "I sent her a DM, but I'm wait-"Ash's phone vibrated, and she immediately looked at it, _"My ass is fine, better than yours actually; I'm going to get online right now, dummy kid", _Ashley laughed at her comment, and then went to the bottom of the bed where her laptop was and bring it to the head of the bed sitting next to Selena. She opened it and saw Shay's solicitude to start a conversation, she smiled.

"Are you going to talk with her?" Selena asked coming closer to watch the screen, "Yeah, you can be with me if you want", Ash replied accepting the solicitude; but when the window of the conversation opened, she only saw an empty chair, where was she? Then, all went dark; she could still see the shadow of the chair in front of her, the fuck? She started hearing whispers, people talking, Shay silencing them, what was she doing? Ashley thought smiling.

After a few minutes someone turned the lights on, and she saw Shay for like a second before she hid herself laughing, then music started playing, and people waking in front of the screen, a lot of people; Ashley wasn't saying anything, she waited; Selena was laughing trying to understand like Ash what was going on. Then all of a sudden, people stopped walking turned around to face the screen and screamed at the same time "Congratulations Ashley!" everybody were cheering and saying nice things to her, Ashley was stunned and grinning really hard, Selena was clapping and saying "woohooo" repeatedly; Ash was laughing but her eyes were looking for the person she wanted to talk the most, for the one she turned on her laptop.

"Oh my god!" Selena said "Your friends are awesome", Ash smiled and thought _"A friend"._

"Ash! Your dress was beautiful, you all looked awesome; you are a big star!" Lucy said, sitting in the chair; she was with Ian and Troian, "You rocked that red carpet, benzo" Ian continued, "You can't imagine how happy we are for you, we love you ash!" Troian completed cheering again.

"Guys, thank you so much, really, I love you, you are the best cast ever! And the best friends, of course, Ahhh! I miss you guys!" Ash said tearing up a little.

"Owww, we are so proud of you" Lucy and Troian said at the same time and laughed because of the coincidence. Ash laughed, but kept looking for Shay, the guys were still talking to her, but her mind was elsewhere.

She finally saw her; she was behind the guys, she could barely see her with all the people, and she was with some boy, they were chatting and laughing; Ash got mad, why she wasn't with the other guys congratulating her? _"Bitch"._

"Ash! Hello? Ash!" Ian started calling for her attention; she realized her change of humor, and smiled again.

"Oh guys you are so sweet, whose idea was this?" She knew the answer, but she wanted an excuse to see her. Ian apologized and went to have a drink, and Troian went to the bathroom. So Lucy was left, "All of us, Shay offered the house, but we all helped", she said proud.

"Ohh, and where's Shay?" Ash finally asked.

A tall figure covered the whole screen giggling, there she was. Shay went to sit next to Lucy in the chair and looked at Ashley grinning; Lucy laughed and said she wanted alcohol, so she was left alone with Shay who was blushing.

"Baaaaaabe!" Shay screamed and hugged the screen. Ashley laughed, oh my god, she was wasted.

"Shay, are you drunk?" Ashley asked simpering.

"No…? I miss you, I love you, come back" Shay said begging; Selena was chocking of laughing so hard.

"Honey, how many glasses you've had?" Ash said not mad, but a bit serious, just a bit, drunk Shay was hilarious.

"I don't know, a lot?" Shay replied giggling, "I've been really stressed with work, I wanted to relax, and I miss youuu", she continued talking trying to pronounce correctly her words; Selena couldn't help herself, so she went to the foot of the bed to concentrate in the movie.

Ash laughed, saw Selena went away, and teased Shay, "So..?" Shay came closer to the screen so no one could hear her "Okay, I may be a little drunk, I feel so happy though; you were amaazing in that carpet, I bet my ass, your movie is great too, I can't wait to see it" she said groggily; Ash smiled, she wanted to be there so bad, getting drunk with her, like they are used to.

"Thank you buddy, I miss you too" Ash said sincerely, "And I wanted to tell you everything about Toronto, but if I tell you now, you won't remember" she finished her sentence laughing.

"I will!" Ash smirked, "Oh okay, I'll call you tomorrow then", Shay gave up pretending and started moving in the chair with the music. Ashley just stared at her smiling, she was so silly; distance sucked.

"I can't believe you did this for me, you're amazing" Ash said grateful.

"I'll do anything for you! And I know you'd have done the same for me" Shay said enthusiastically.

"Yeah I would have" Ash replied.

"I kneeew it!" Shay screamed, and Ian who was returning looked at her funny, "Are you okay Shay? You seem a little too happy" he said, and Shay looked up at him smiling, "I'm okay, just happy for Ash, she was amazing".

Ashley was going to answer when she heard repeatedly knocks on her door, "Sel, could you see who is knocking, please?" Selena stood up and went to open the door.

"Yeah, she's happy for m-"Ash stopped when she saw Vanessa entering the room with a lot of the cast members, and they had been 'celebrating', again.

"Hey there loverr" Vanessa said coming to hug Ashley and kissed her cheek.

"Hey, I'm a mess, what are you guys doing here?" Ash said laughing.

"We are here to take you two, to partyy, we have to celebrate, they gave us 8.5 out of 10 on the reviews!" Ash grinned and got up to hug all of her cast mates, who were now clapping because of the good news. After greeting all of the people who were now talking and laughing in her room, she went back to her laptop, Shay was still there talking to Ian, Troian and Keegan, she sat and Vanessa came with her, sitting next to each other.

"Hi guys!" Vanessa said waving. "Hey Vanessa, how are you?" Lucy replied giving her a kind smile.

"I'm so happy Lucy, hello Shay, and you…, guys" Ashley laughed really hard at Vanessa's lack of knowledge of her friends.

"Congratulations on your score girls, you are killing it" Shay said still a little groggy.

"Yes! We are going to celebrate, aren't we babe?" Vanessa told Ash, who smirked amused; "We a-aree, we are going to party-y-yy" Ashley said bouncing her hands in the air, she could feel Shay's eyes on her, so, she looked at the screen but everybody were entertained talking to Vanessa.

Ashley was lost in her thoughts she didn't pay attention at what they were talking about, before she heard something in what she was involved "Yeah, well, it was a whole new role for me; and the sex scene with this one (she said pointing at Ashley, who was now paying attention at her), that, was the most wild thing I've ever done in my life, but I'm glad it was with her, It was good having my best friend there, everything was easier that way", Ashley saw Shay's expression when Vanessa said _"best friend"; _she raised her eyebrows like saying _"excuuse me?"._

"You had a threesome?" Ian asked grinning. }

"Yes, we did, and it was like the hardest scene to shoot; but we were really respectful with each other, James is a doll, we love him. Just at the beginning, everything was really, really, awkward; kissing Vanessa was the easiest thing, the scene is really heavy" Ashley explained being consent of Vanessa's eyes looking at her concentrated.

"Ash, Selena! Get ready! We are leaving in an hour" Rachel said impatient.

"Guys I'm really thankful for this, but now I have to go get ready, I love you all, have a lot of fun like we always do, I miss you all, bye" Ashley said before standing up, but she had a thought and went back again to say something more. They were still there, standing up, "Shay!" Ash called. Shay sat down again and smiled at her "What's up Benz?"

"Call me tomorrow, okay?" Shay grinned at her request, "Promise; bye baby, go get ready to party, you deserve it" Ashley smiled at her, blew her a kiss and went offline.

**.**

On the flight home, she was resting her head on her sit, and remembered how Shay and all the cast had held a party in her honor; she smiled, she was so lucky to have Shay, who was her 'motivation', in her life; she was also her best friend in the whole world, they completed each other, and she thanked god everyday for having that Canadian in her life; she was also lucky to have Lucy, and Troian, and Julian, and Tyler, and the rest; it was really the best cast, there was no other like them, she loved them with all her heart.

She was really happy with her life right now, these were the best times, the ones she'll never forget and keep in her heart 'till the day she stops working on this crazy business, full of dreams, surprises, magic and acting; the life she always dreamed about since she was 6 years old. She even forgot about the whole Ryan thing, she was okay, finally okay. That week had been incredible, she couldn't believe how good it was; spending time with her friends and having such a great acceptance by the people on the festival; the movie was going to be really controversial, but she also hoped, well received. Despite of that, she couldn't wait to get home, travelling is amazing, but nothing beats the feeling of being with the ones you love and spent your day to day, it's just the way it is, everybody loves a great experience, but at the end, we all have to go back where we belong.


	5. Chapter 5

****_Thank you so much with all your reviews, I really like to read what you think. Yes, don't worry I'll do a shayley fight to explain the distance they were having, and yeah perhaps a secrets chapter, you'll love, and a lot. Please keep telling me if you like this fic or not, I need to know what's on your mind's guys. I'll stick to try to interpretate shayley in real life, let's see how this goes..._

**Chapter 5: Red, Red Winess**

It was a Tuesday morning; everybody was on set. Shay was sitting on her chair chatting with Lucy and Troian about the chapter they were filming that day, they had to go to a special location, so they were planning who was going with whom.

Ashley had arrived a day ago, but they haven't seen her because she was way too tired and said she wanted to sleep, but according to what she tweeted, she was with Izak right now, so she was just being lazy. She had one more day to return; but Shay was upset, she wanted to see her.

They haven't talked since Sunday; Shay sent her a text that said, "Welcome back to reality lil' monster", and Ashley answered like 2 hours later, saying, "I know, I'm still daydreaming, see you on set :)", see you on set? Okay then.

It was 2pm on Thursday and Shay was filming a scene with Troian, they were joking around, making funny faces while the director was talking with some people from the crew.

"Do that", Troian told Shay, and started laughing, "Oh my god! Do that again"; Troian was 'filming' Shay doing funny faces with the director's camera; "This is a keeper", Troian said laughing and posted the pic on twitter; Shay laughed, and looked for her phone to retweet the pic; but when she was going to unblock her Iphone, she saw on the reflection of the screen, a blonde girl, staring at her with a big smile.

Shay turned back and stared at her grinning; she was back.

"I was hoping a little more enthusiasm Shannon, we haven't seen for almost a week" Ash said getting closer to her, smile never leaving her face.

"Ash! You're back!" Troian said, approaching quickly to where Shay and Ash were, to give Ashley a big hug. "Owww I missed you so much, I'm so proud of you!" she said while caressing her back.

"Thanks Troi, I missed you too" Ashley said, still looking at Shay who was standing next to them; they were cut off in their moment.

Troian pulled away and looked at Shay who was smiling mockingly at Ash, "Oh my god, I cut you off, didn't I?" she said worried with an apologizing look.

"Na, it's okay" Shay said giving her a kind smile and facing Ashley again; "I texted; I guess you were just busy" shay said changing her smile to a bitter one.

"I was; I was tired, but I'm back now" Ash replied; they didn't notice that Troian was far away now, talking to Keegan, who'd just got there.

"I'm glad you're back" Shay said slowly, giving Ash a warm look, "I missed you", they were both smiling now; ash moved her hands asking for a hug. Shay laughed and hugged her; the world disappeared, there was no noise; Ash hid her face on Shay's hair and Shay's face was resting on Ash's shoulder, her mouth pressed on her bare skin.

"You have no idea" Ashley said holding her tighter, caressing her back, "There was something missing, you know? I needed my sidekick there with me.", she was whispering; something they always do when they talk in front of people, because nobody needs to hear what they are saying but them.

Shay's heart melted with those words, she knew Ash missed her, she was sure, but knowing that she needed her, was another thing; being apart was so hard It was scary, it scared her having all those feelings, It was so intense, she sometimes wanted to cry at the happiness she felt when she was with Ashley, and it was terrifying that she only felt that way with her and no one else.

Shay sighed and let go of her slowly, then she smiled and touched her nose with her index finger in a mocking way, "I was busy lil' donut, you know I would've loved to be there supporting you", Ash frowned, but nodded her head, "Yeah I know; it would've been a blast though"; Shay smiled; it really would've been, but family, work, well.

"Ashley, I'm really happy you're back, but princess you gotta go to your set, Tyler is waiting", the director said loudly, waving for Shay to come because they needed to keep filming, "Shay, you and Troian are next, we need you now", he said turning around to keep talking with the crew, coordinating the scenes they were filming in a few minutes.

"Okay Benzo, you have to go and me too, so, see you later" Shay said turning back, but Ashley grabbed her arm making her turn again and placed a loud kiss on her cheek, making Shay grin.

"Bye babe, love you", Ash said before walking away. Shay watched her leave, what would she do without that nutbag? She laughed, then retweet Troian's pic and go to reunite with the cast, who were waiting for her.

**.**

Those past three days had been way too stressful. They filmed until 12pm, leaving them just 6 hours to sleep; everybody was really tired, but happy because they all loved their job and if they wanted to get a 4th season, they had to work really hard and that's what they were doing.

Shay didn't understand how Ashley was always full of energy; the day after she returned from Toronto she went to a dance class; she hasn't even worked out for days because of work but Ashley didn't mind resting, she was crazily active. Shay could barely keep her eyes open during scenes, thanks to the amount of coffee she was having every day.

"Shay, wake up, they are calling you to set" Ash said tapping Shay's forehead; she was sleeping on the floor with a blanket she got somewhere around the set, she was really tired.

"Leave me alone, I'll do it later" Shay replied crawling in her spot, Ash rolled her eyes and got closer to her, then screamed into her ear "YOU HAVE TO GET UP, MOVE YOUR ASS AND GO TO SET, THEY ARE CALLING YOU!"

Shay opened her eyes and got up in a second, but now, she was mad, "What the fuck Ashley?! That's not the way to wake someone up; you scared the hell out of me!" she complained, picking up the blanket and looking for a place to hide it.

"Sorry, but they are waiting for you, and I tried to wake you up in a nice way but you wouldn't listen" Ash replied.

"You shouldn't have screamed like a mental person" Shay continued with an angry voice.

"Hey, you are up, aren't you? I offered myself, because I just finished filming with Tyler, you must thank me instead of being mad at me" Ashley said offended.

"Whatever; I have to go" Shay said, starting to leave.

"Well, that's rude" Ash said before she leaves.

"What? You told me I had to go, that's what I'm doing" Shay answered annoyed.

"Yeah, but you got angry at me, and I was just helping" Ashley continued; by the tone of her voice she was hurt.

"Look, I don't wanna fight, okay? It's fine Ashley, I'm not angry, they are calling, bye" Shay said; this time, leaving the room. Ashley stand there for a while processing what had just happened. This time she was the one who was mad, she understood Shay was tired because of all the work they've been having lately, but that was no reason for being angry all the time, especially with her that was her best friend, she was going to give her a piece of her mind, but... later, now she was starving, some food would be nice, where's crafty when you need it? This location doesn't have good food, whatever; she was going to eat anyway.

After a few hours Ashley was walking around the set, killing time because she started filming again in an hour and a half, so she had to stay close her set; she found a nice place to take a nap near Shay's location; she would sleep for a few minutes and then she would talk with Shay; it seemed a perfect plan. She laid there covering herself with a blanket and closed her eyes, finally resting…

Shay finished filming almost all her scenes, and she had lunch break, so she left the set; but when she was going to grab something to eat, she saw Ashley sleeping in the floor of one of the sets close to hers. She smiled at the view, Ash looked way too cute sleeping, like a baby; her hand was resting in her tight, her hair was a mess, her clothes were all creased, and her blanket was all over her body; but still, she looked like a super model, drooling and everything, she was gorgeous; Shay didn't understand what Ashley did, but she always looked beautiful, even without makeup, it was like she was born that way, god had been really kind with her.

She remembered how Ashley shouted to wake her up, she wasn't the kind of people who looked for revenge, but anyway, she grabbed her phone and took a pic of her, saved it with a devilish smile, and walked away. But Ashley woke up when she was leaving and called her "Hey, Shay!"

Shay turned back and waited for her; when they were in front of each other, Shay could tell Ashley was mad, "I wanted to help you, I went from my own set location to look for you, I looked for 30minutes or more, and you got angry at me for trying to save your ass from the director? C'mon!" Ashley complained.

"We are even" Shay said taking out her phone and showing her the pic.

"Whoa, I'm not posting that" Ashley replied laughing.

"You screamed at me when I was sleeping, do it, it's fair" Shay said sending her the pic.

"Fuck, okay; I shouldn't have broken your eardrums, but ugh, I look retarded", Ash replied, but Shay laughed and said, "Post it".

Ashley sighed angry, but received the picture and posted it on Twitter. "Happy? Now everybody is going to know that I'm an ugly sleeper, I hate you" Ash complained crossing her arms and looking at her resentful.

"You look cute, so shut up, and come with me to grab something to eat" Shay answered ignoring her complaints and started walking towards the exit again; "Are you coming?" she said turning back to see Ashley.

Ashley sighed and followed her, "Only because I'm hungry".

"You're always hungry" Shay said while opening the exit door of the set, letting Ash go out first, she thanked her and they headed to where the food was, because where the food was, it was paradise.

**.**

It was 9pm and they were all reunited in the parking lot chatting and making plans because it was the first time in days they finished that early. The boys were planning to go to a bar or watch some game in Tyler's house; the girls wanted to do a ladies night; but Lucy was going to visit her boyfriend, Lindsey had plans with some friends, and Sasha with her family, so, the only ones left were Ashley, Shay, Troian and Marlene, so they decided to go to Marlene's place to hang out and drink, DRINK the stress.

They headed to Marlene's house; they were all happy talking and joking, well, Ashley and Shay were making jokes and Marlene and Troian were laughing, they were a live comedy show.

They were listening music really loud and Shay and Ash were singing and dancing, after 'Where have you been' ended, 'This Kiss' started playing and Ash got really excited.

"Ohhh! Oh my god! That's my new jamm; shay dance with me", Ashley said screaming and started singing "I went out last night, I'm going tonight again..."

Shay started singing along with her, because they were a team, and Ash looked stupid singing on her own, "And she's a real sweet girl, and you know I got a boy, details, we both forgot to mention"; after a few seconds they were all dancing; the song was so catchy.

"This kiss is something I can't resist, your lips are undeniable, this kiss is something I can't risk, your heart is unreliable…" They were all singing and laughing, there was no more stress just amusement.

**.**

They got to Marlene's place with a really good mood, Ashley was putting some music with Shay, Troian was downstairs looking for the alcohol and Marlene was in the couch resting, doing well, anything.

"Let's get this party started!" Ashley said while turning the volume up.

"Is anybody on the mood for some vodka?" Troian said smiling, and raising the bottle up so they all could see it.

"Yes please" Marlene said standing up to grab a glass Troian had put on the living room table.

Shay and Ashley saw the alcohol and went straight to the table giggling, Shay helped Ashley pour the liquor on both glasses; then Troian changed the music to a Bob Marley playlist, Marlene was lying on the couch again drinking and chatting with Troian.

Then Shay and Ashley joined, they were remembering funny things that happened on set, there were lots of memories. Troian thought it was time for some wine, so she stood up and went to grab one. Marlene's house was like their own house, all the cast was really close, like a big family.

"Oh my god, Mar, do you remember when you told me and Shay to be on set at 8.30pm and we said we were on Santa Monica just sitting to have dinner? You wanted to murder us", Ashley said and laughed loudly, making all laugh. Troian returned with the wine glasses, the wine was already served, so they started drinking happily.

"You guys, are the worst, always doing pranks, especially you, Ashley, what are you, 10 years old?" Marlene replied teasingly.

Ash was going to answer, but Red, Red Wine started playing, and they all looked at each other with surprised faces; "Gosh, that's like the best song ever!" Shay shouted and they all agreed laughing.

Then Shay and Ashley stood up and started dancing to the song, Troian was watching them cracking up, but she was quickly pulled up by Marlene, and they all started dancing, "I feel like I'm in a rave", Ashley said drinking up her wine, then Shay grabbed Ash's glass and finished it, Ash just kept dancing like nothing happened, because in fact, sharing drinks was something usual for them.

An hour later, Shay and Ash were playing a drinking game on their own; Troian and Marlene were laughing with the girl's answers; the game consisted on saying a theme and they had to say things that had to do with it.

They had been playing for like 20 minutes and they were almost there, their answers were starting to lose sense.

"Candy labels; skittles", Shay said pointing her finger to Ashley indicating it was her turn.

"Sonka", Ash said giggling, Shay laughed and screamed, "AHH, you lost!" Ash frowned, "No, I didn't, it is a label, you know, the one with the hat on it", Shay laughed harder, "That's Wonka, Benzo, Wonka, you lost, drink it up", Shay said while putting the glass on Ash's mouth.

Ashley drank the whole glass on one shot, "What the hell!" Shay said and did the same with hers. Shay stood up to leave the glasses on the table, interrupting for a minute Troian and Marlene's conversation about Obama and Romney; that was so Troian, she seemed really interested, they were debating why Obama was the best option, Shay was way too drunk to talk about politics.

"I need some air, mommy, I'm going to your kitchen, I want water", Ashley told Marlene to ask for her permission, Marlene just nodded.

Ash stood up lazily, everything was spinning, she giggled; Troian stood up smirking and tried to hold her, "I'm okay, I'm not drunk", Ash said, and let go of her, giving her a thankful smile. Then she went to the stairs, holding on tightly to the stair railing.

"I'll come with you, I need some water too", Shay said joining her on the stairs. The music was extremely loud and it was now electronic, "We found love", one of Ashley's favorite songs.

They reached the kitchen and Ash leaned on the kitchen sink, breathing slowly, trying to calm herself, even though she was still smiling; the alcohol burning her stomach.

"Are you okay buddy?" Shay said getting closer to her; the music was blowing in her ears, "Ash?" Shay was right in front of her; Ashley raised her head to look at her.

"I'm fine, I just needed to cool it off", Ash said shaking her head, Shay was extremely close, and they were both really drunk.

"I'm glad", Shay said; then she leaned in until her mouth was brushing her ear, Ash stood still, but she looked into her eyes, Shay grinned, and then her hands slowly, really slowly started going down her waist, when Ashley thought she couldn't hold her breath more, Shay took out from her back pocket her box of cigarettes and gave her a devilish smile.

"What do you say? You wanna be bad with me?" Shay said with a sexy voice, consequence of the amount of alcohol. Ashley looked back to see if somebody was looking what they were about to do; Marlene didn't like smokers, so they never do it in front of her, for respect, even though they had a lot of confidence with her.

"Let's do it", Ashley whispered, before taking her hand and leading her into the back yard that was behind the kitchen, behind a small, almost hidden door.

When they got there, they sat down under the only tree Marlene had on her house, it was really big; everything was really dark, but they weren't scared, when you are drunk you feel invincible, that's a fact.

Shay lighted up the first cigarette and put it into her mouth, she saw Ashley staring; waiting for hers; "Do you want one?" Shay asked while grabbing the box that was on the grass.

Ash's mouth dried because of the smoke, they were sitting really close, Shay gave her a cigarette and lighted it up for her; Ash grabbed it and started smoking with her.

"I wanna live forever…", Shay said looking into her eyes. Ash smiled because she knew Shay always talked bullshit when she was wasted, but who was she to judge, she was as wasted as Shay.

"Never grow old, just enjoy the moment", Ash said smiling slowly, looking back at her.

"We only live once…" Shay said quietly inhaling Ash's smoke, to then blow her smoke into Ash's mouth; Ash looked at her stunned, hypnotized by how intimate they were being; she took it in, and then got closer to her, both dizzy because of the exchange of smoke. Ash was a few inches away from Shay's mouth, she smiled, inhaled her smoke and blew it straight into Shay's mouth, their lips never touching; Shay closed her eyes and absorbed the entire fume into her mouth as it was her own, then she opened her eyes and grinned at Ashley, they both laughed and looked down shyly.

Then they laid in the grass looking up into the sky, eyes closed, minds relaxed, they both sighed at the same time and then giggled; Shay turned her head to look at Ashley.

"How do you think our lives would've been if we haven't been in the show?" Shay asked Ash quietly trying to read her gestures.

"I really don't know…, but I don't wanna think about it either", Ashley answered, turning around to look back at her.

"It's so crazy; 2 years ago I didn't even know you existed, and now…, I know you better than I know myself", Shay said sincerely, nothing holding her back, looking straight into Ashley's blue eyes. Ashley sighed and took a deep breath before staring at her again; "I remember-, I remember the first time I saw you…, we were sitting next to each other on the audition room…, and you were wearing this, green t-shirt, blue jeans and your hair was in a ponytail-; It's funny because you were so focused on your script that you didn't even notice when I sat next to you; and the first thing I thought when I saw you was, "She has to chill out, she's gonna get it"; I don't know why, but I already knew…, I knew you were going to get the part; and when you looked at me and gave me that shy smile, I felt this strong connection, I've never felt that in my life, like we were meant to be exactly in that place, at that time, in that circumstances…, I had this feeling, like I knew we were going to be friends, that you were going to be a part of my life; I know we've talked about this, but, I just needed to remind you, that our bond is unbreakable Shannon, back then I wasn't sure, but I know that now, after all this time", Ash's words were so honest, warm and real, Shay couldn't help to stare at her awestruck, memorizing every frame of her friend's face, every gesture and reaction, she couldn't help to do it, it always was this way with Ashley.

"I did notice you; you in all your Hanna Marin glory, dressed with that skirt and the bee queen look you naturally have-; but I also noticed you were a mess, I supposed something bad had happened to you, and that you were there not as excited as I was; and the only thing I could think was, "How could she be so calm?" I was so nervous and you were just sitting there not even rehearsing your lines, so light weighted; I wanted so bad to ask you how you did it, but, I didn't know you so, I just smiled at you and kept worrying myself. But you were not the only one, I felt the connection too, and I got a little scared because-, I barely knew you, scratch that, I didn't know you, and I didn't want you to think I was a creep, so that's why we didn't talk that much, but I knew, I was so fuckin' sure you were going to get it, you irradiate this light that makes you likeable to everybody, you are amazing", Shay was sure she heard ashley hold her breath during the entire time she was talking, that made her heart stop for a second, she just wanted to hug her, but they were in an awkward position, so it would be a little weird.

Ashley smiled at her, and Shay smiled back; "I'm glad I met you", Ash said with finality, with gladness.

"I'm glad I met you too, buddy", Shay replied grinning.

"We should get back with the girls, it's been a while since we left", Ashley said standing up, offering Shay her hand to help her up.

"Oh, you're right, let's go boss!" Shay said grabbing Ashley's hand and standing up smiling at her; Shay squeezed Ash's hand before letting it go.

They went back to where the girls were, and they were still talking about politics, Ash and Shay sat next to them and lay their heads on the couch.

"Are you done making out?" Marlene asked teasingly.

"We weren't making out, we were just talking", Shay replied.

"We should go Shay, we have a photoshoot tomorrow", Ashley said standing up, she was so tired, and a little dizzy. Shay just nodded and followed her not before saying goodbye to Marlene thanking her for the funny night.

"I'll drive you girls; you drank way too much to get into a car and don't kill someone", Troian said grabbing her purse and joining them.

"Drive carefully, call when you get home!" Marlene said from the door waving them goodbye.

**.**

When they got to Shay's apartment after thanking Troian; Shay opened the door and started shushing Ashley because Michaela was sleeping and she could wake her up. They were still a little dizzy, so Shay was bumping with everything; the living room table, the couch, the chairs, almost every furniture; Ash was laughing quietly and helping her get through the living room to her bedroom.

When they finally got there, they threw themselves into Shay's bed, hid under the covers and giggled 'till they were way too tired to keep their eyes open. Ash hugged her from behind and whispered into her ear "I miss Ryan, Shay, I miss being like this, can you hold me please?"

Shay tensed in Ashley's arms with her request, but understood what she was feeling and turned back to wrap her arms around her pulling her in closer; Ashley snuggled and rested her head on Shay's shoulder enjoying the warmness of her body, holding her tighter, "I love you buddy", Ash said sleepily, and pulled away to look into her eyes, to show her she meant it; Shay smiled slowly and answered caressing Ash's hair, "I love you too", Ashley grinned at her and lost herself into their embrace, hoping Shay would understand how much meaning her words had, and how much she cared about her, it wasn't just because they were drunk, she really meant it.

It was so quiet they could hear each other's breathing and heart beat, the feeling was so pure and real, they both got scared; Ashley was scared Shay let her go, and turned back at some point, so she got even closer, filling all the space between them; but it didn't feel like it was weird or wrong, it felt so right and comfortable…, they just laid there smiling, in peace, happy…, they did eventually fell asleep never leaving each other, like they were everything they had, scratch that, everything they needed.


	6. Chapter 6

_I'm thinking on uploading weekly, but that depends on the reviews guys, I'm glad you're liking this story, I have losts of ideas, the shayley fight it's really close, and well, I'll just keep expeculating and using my imagination, like I sad I'm just writing as it goes, idk if this will be endgame, perhaps it would, yeah, it's probable, because we know they love each other, okay enjoy._

**Chapter 6: You Make It Real For Me**

They had an early photoshoot; the call was at 6am, but they were still sleeping when the alarm rang. Shay opened slowly her eyes, feeling really tired; her arms hurt, and they were wrapped around someone; little by little she realized she had spent the whole night holding Ashley, she smiled watching her sound asleep; she didn't want to wake her up, but it was getting late and they had to get to the photoshoot in time, so, she slowly started caressing Ash's peaceful face, "Ashley…, honey, you have to get up, c'mon, we have work, babe, wake up", Shay said never shouting or treating her rudely.

"1 more minute, Shannon…" Ashley said pulling away from their embrace and hiding under the covers.

Shay smiled and gave her a knowing look, "Ash…, you know we have to go, now please get up, we are going to be late"

"Ugh, all right, I need to take a shower though", Ashley said rolling her eyes and standing up to go to the bathroom, "Oh, can I use your shampoo? I didn't bring one", Ash asked from the bathroom door, smiling ashamed.

"Yeah babe, you can use mine", Shay answered and gave her a kind smile.

"Thanks…, and I also need a towel, I have the clothes in my drawer, and my toothbrush, but…, I didn't bring soap either, so, can I borrow yours?" Ash asked smiling doubtfully at her.

"Yes, you can, but just hurry up Ashley, I have to shower too", Shay replied pointing at the alarm clock.

"Okay, okay, I'll only take 1 second…, okay 300 seconds", Ashley screamed from the shower making Shay laugh.

Ash took 2 hours on getting ready, so yeah, they were late, but David was a good friend of them, so he didn't shout at them, but he was a little angry when they got there an hour late; they entered the studio, sun glasses on and casual clothes.

"I blame Ashley", Shay said entering to the studio, before greeting David.

"I blame Ashley too; bad, bad Ashley", Ash agreed before hugging David.

"Okay girls, let's start, I know we are an hour late, but we'll do it, so let's get to work, shall we?" David told them happily and they both smiled and nodded.

They saw each other in their outfits, and Ashley smirked at the view. Shay had been a model before acting, it was incredible how professional she was; she could tell Shay knew exactly what she was doing, how to pose, when to smile, when to be serious. She was perfect, like, literally, flawless…

"So…, what do you think?" Shay asked Ashley, after finishing her solo photoshoot. Ashley looked at her; she took her by surprise, "Oh…, you were amazing, how you do it? You looked like a super model!" Ash said amazed.

Shay gave her a short laugh, "Thank you…; you look gorgeous, by the way", she said with a warm smile.

"Thanks, you too", Ashley replied, smiling nervously. Wait-, she was nervous? No, the exact word was intimidated; it intimidated her how good Shay was at modeling, because she, personally had no idea how to do it, she just do it the way she believes it's okay.

A the end, the photoshoot was a success; David wanted Shay and Ashley because he knew the amazing chemistry they both had together, and how funny and cute their relationship was. They looked perfect together, and he just needed to work with them; besides, they were having a lot of recognition for the show, and he knew they'd sell, so, it was not all friendship, business was a reason too, still, she loved those two, they were awesome.

"Thank you for everything David, you're a doll, we really love you", Ash said when they finished the last photos.

"Yes, you're the best, I swear", Shay continued hugging him tight.

"You better call us to do another photoshoot soon", Ash teased after hugging him too.

"I'll think about it girls…, drive safe, thank you", David said waving them goodbye as they left the studio smiling.

When they arrived to Shay's car, a phone started ringing, they entered the car, and Shay picked up, "Yeah, I just left", Ash looked at her curiously, listening all she was saying, "Well, I think we're going to get some dinner", Shay looked at Ash for confirmation, and Ash nodded, "I'll text you when we get to the restaurant; that way you won't have to wait, okay-, bye sweetie", Shay hang up.

"So, who was it?" Ash asked impatiently.

"Michaela, she is going to join us for dinner, is that okay?" Shay asked.

"Uh, yeah, I thought it was only going to be both of us, but it's okay, I like Michaela, and-, yeah", Ash replied; she was still getting used to consider Michaela as Shay's roommate.

"It'll be great, she's really sweet; you know her", Shay said smiling.

"Yeah, great girl", Ashley said looking through the window; fuckin' Michaela, living together…, she was dying to be Shay's roommate for a while now, and she w as going to be it, but Michaela-, damn Canadian Michaela came and ruined that for her; she liked Michaela, she was hilarious, but the fact she was also best friends with Shay, bothered her, quite a lot.

"Babe, are you okay?" Shay asked Ash, noticing her sudden change of mood.

"I'm fine, babe", Ashley said giving her a reassuring smile.

"Okay", Shay said smiling back.

The dinner was fine, there was no tension between the girls, but when Shay mentioned the "Ryan issue", made Ash nervous, she's been keeping that conversation for a long time, Ashley had to talk with him; she couldn't leave things that way.

"I'm talking with him tomorrow, Shannon, don't worry too much", Ashley said after Shay's constantly pressure.

"All right, babe; tell me everything after?" Shay said giving her a comforting smile.

"Of course, you'll be the first to know", Ash replied looking at her smirking.

"Well girls, it's getting late…, Shay?" Michaela said out of the blue, suppressing a yawn.

"Yeah, you're right; but we still are having our night swim, right?" Shay said giving her puppy eyes.

"Yes, we are…" Michaela said rolling her eyes and then smiling at her.

"Oh, Ash! Do you wanna come?" Shay asked with hope, she wanted to be with Ashley all the time she could.

"I'll go, but I won't get in the pool at this hour, I'll get sick", Ash said defensibly.

"Yeyy, you'll watch me swim then…, like you always do after filming", Shay said excited.

"Like you always made me do you'd say; using me as your coat rack, holding your towel and your clothes…" Ash said teasingly.

"Hey! You said you loved watching me swim", Shay said offended.

"I'm over it", Ash said sarcastically, to bug Shay.

"Whatever", Shay replied looking away annoyed.

Ashley laughed and asked for the receipt; while Michaela and Shay were talking Ashley got a text, she knew exactly who it was from, "Tomorrow then? My place or yours? Or do you wanna go out?" He was so nervous, and so was she, she didn't cheat she knows that, but still, they needed to talk.

**.**

Ashley was going to meet Ryan in a restaurant near his place; she stopped the car because of the red light, bored she took out her phone and started seeing pictures, she had more than 400, it was insane; scrolling down all the photos she found one she and Shay had taken about a year ago, she stared at it and grinned, things were so easier back then, no boyfriends, no worries, all weekends together; but things had changed, they were growing up and maturing fast, but she was glad they were still the closest friends after all those years… Well, some things just never change.

She edited the picture and posted it on Instagram, and wrote in the description, "My sugarr Shaymitch"; she knew she probably wouldn't answer, but she didn't care.

They stayed up real late last night; Ashley left at 1am, but she was sure Shay spent at least 2 more hours in the pool. Ever since Shay started playing Emily, the swimming addiction had taken over her; she never acknowledges it though, but Ash knows.

She finally arrived to the restaurant. She was going to do it quickly, like rifting off a band-aid, no excuses, just getting straight to the point, no hurting, staying as friends, no heartbreak, an agreement; she had to stick to her plan, she knew what to do; but being in front of him telling all that stuff wasn't going to be easy, she still cared a lot for him, but she didn't love him anymore, and he didn't deserve that.

**.**

Shay was lying on her bed, head resting on the head board watching Breaking Bad; she was obsessed with that show; it was so good, she and Ashley had been watching it on set and sometimes on Shay's place, and they couldn't stop watching it; the plot and the characters were so amazing and well written…, definitely, their favorite show lately.

She checked her phone and saw Ash was with Ryan, they seemed to be really good, judging by their happy tweets, apparently they were jamming to Carly Rae Jepsen; nice, it was really good that Ash and Ryan were fixing things, if that was the case; if not, she really hoped, no one got hurt.

After watching a documentary about slavery in Africa, she fall sleep. She was so tired; the night before she swan with Michaela until 4am, they were racing and doing some tricks Shay learned training for Emily's character.

It was 10pm when she woke up; she went straight to the kitchen to eat something, she had skipped lunch without knowing; now she was really hungry. But when she was about to open the fridge, a soft knock sounded; Shay went to open the door, she was with her comfy clothes, a loose pink t-shirt and pink pants 2 sizes bigger.

As soon as she opened the door, arms got around her, hugging her tightly; Ash…

She couldn't see her face, but she could hear her sobbing uncontrollably, holding her tighter every time she breathed. Shay was in shock, but she put her arms around her, and hold her still, to calm her.

"Why? I just-, everything screwed up, I shouldn't have broke up with him, I-", Ash said between sobs trying to form words, but she couldn't.

"Shhh, I'm here…, everything's going to be fine, I promise; it's okay, you'll be all right", Shay said caressing her back pulling her into the apartment, never pushing her away, she closed the door with her foot, and lead her to the couch in the living room. Shay sat with her, Ash was hiding her face into Shay's neck, crying her eyes out; Shay had never seen Ashley cry like that, she was never sad.

Seeing her this way, was so, touching…, she was hugging her like she was holding into her dear life, like she was the only thing she had left…; and she wanted to make her feel better, but she didn't know how.

Ash kept crying in silence for several minutes before pulling back to face Shay, "I need you to be honest and tell me everything's going to be fine, I need you to make me feel better, I need you to hold me, I need you to, SAY SOMETHING", she said exasperated; she was losing it.

"Ash, babe, calm down…, hey", Shay said, lifting softly her chin up with her fingers, "Hey, look at me", Ash lifted her eyes to stare at her; all Shay could see was hurt and heartbreak…; "I won't let you break; I'm here, okay? Always here", Ashley nodded and slowly hugged her again; Shay sighed deeply and hugged her back.

"I know; that's why I came to you, that's why I always come to you", Ashley said whispering into Shay's neck; Shay smiled and placed a kiss on Ash's head, keeping her lips there while Ashley sobbed again.

"And I always come to you", Shay said whispering into her blonde hair.

"I just feel like everything is a blur", Ashley said, her voice cracking when she looked into Shay's eyes.

"It's going to be clear very soon, I promise-; it's not real…" Shay said giving her a comforting smile touching gently Ash's cheek; Ashley closed her eyes at the contact.

"You make it real for me", Ash answered, lips trembling, a tear falling down her cheek.

Shay stared at her for a while before breathing again; that feeling in her chest wasn't going away, and looking into those beautiful blue eyes wasn't helping at all, she had no words…, what could she say to not ruin the moment? She pulled her into an embrace, closing her eyes, wishing she could move on from this, with Ashley, together; she wasn't going to let her deal with this break up on her own, she just couldn't.


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7: We Are Not Fine**

They were all called for the table read, it was Wednesday; and they sat as usual, Troian, Shay, Ashley and Lucy; it has always been their spots since day one.

Once they put Troian between Ashley and Shay, because Ash arrived late. Ash was mad, because she had to sit next to Shay; so, when they had a break, Ash told Troian to change places, and she accepted, because she knew how things were with them, and she didn't mind sitting next to Ian, they were all good friends.

Ash was playing with her new iPhone, taking pictures to everyone and everything; she was like a kid with a new toy.

"C'mon Shannon, let me see your beautiful face", Ash begged Shay, who was turning back every time Ashley pointed the iPhone straight to her face.

"No, ash, let it go, I'm hideous" Shay said covering her face with her hands.

"None sense, you're gorg" Ash replied laughing and taking pics of her covered face.

"Ashley, seriously stop it, c'mon"

"All right I'll stop…; but I'm taking a pic right now to post on Twitter, you better turn around or something" Ash said choosing a theme to take the pic.

"Okay", Shay said grabbing her phone to answer some texts.

"Fine" Ash said.

She noticed the sudden change of mood Shay had, it had been like that for a while, almost a month to be exact. They would laugh, have a great time, but spent their weekends with other people, and she was starting to miss Shay; she was right next to her, but there was something she was missing, and she wanted it back.

After the table read ended, Ash went to set and found Shay sat on her chair. She sat next to her and turned around to look at her.

"So... Any plans this weekend?" Ash asked casually.

"I don't know, I think I'm going to hang out with Michaela and the guys" Shay answered going to sit on the couch set.

"Oh" Ashley replied extremely annoyed, "Last week you went camping with her and disappeared, how could you manage being without communication?", She really was beginning to hate the distance and the lack of confidence between them, Shay spent all her weekends with Michaela, her roommate, and that was killing Ashley, she was so fuckin' jealous, what was happening to them?

"We had fun, she gets me, you know? I went to relax and have some alone time, she only went to keep me company at times, I enjoy a nice silence", Shay replied distantly.

"Ok, what's going on?" Ashley sighed and asked Shay angrily.

"What are you talking about?" Shay replied calm, checking her phone.

"What am I talking about? Shay we are not the same anymore, I'm starting to notice, our fans are starting to notice, the fuckin' world is starting to notice, what the fuck is going on?" Ash said with a very high voice, a hurt voice.

"We're fine, are you angry or something? I'm okay", Shay said with an uninterested voice.

"What? Shay, we are not fine", Ashley replied angry, but Shay was still looking at her phone and didn't look at her.

"Shay! I'm talking to you" Ashley snapped and talked a bit more loudly, getting Shay's attention.

"Oh, so you wanna talk now? You suddenly care about me after all these days?" Shay answered with a cold voice, standing in front of her, arms crossed, empty eyes.

"What the fuck? Of course I care about you idiot, what the hell was that for? For you, it's like I don't exist anymore, you are always going out with your new bff Michaela, spending all your weekends with her and all your other Canadian friends", Ashley fought the tears that were starting to come out, even though she was extremely pissed, she hold them from falling.

"She's my best friend and my roommate; she's like my sister, okay? We've known each other almost all our lives, but I guess you didn't notice; you seem to have found a new best friend to hang out too, am I wrong?" Shay said defensibly with a hard tone.

"Izak? He's like my little sister, and I've tried to hang out with you Shay, but you are always busy; having movie weekends, going out who knows where-" Ash said angrily and disappointed.

"Am I wrong?" Shay repeated, controlled voice, and this time Ashley could see the hurt in her eyes.

"You-, YES, you are wrong! You are extremely wrong; I'll never, ever, change what we have, I thought after breaking up with Ryan we were going to spent more time together, but I think you don't care about that, do you?", Ash answered screaming now; they were both saying everything they have kept for themselves this past month.

"I thought the same, but things are not how we suppose them to be; you care? Well, it doesn't seem like, It fuckin' doesn't seem like you care anymore, you just, spent the weekends with all your celeb buddies, and Izak; and me? You don't give a FUCK Ashley, you don't give a fuck!" Shay replied screaming back, the tension could be cut with a knife, "You know I'm right, so, don't you dare blame this on me, because you know, It's not only my fault" she stated, her jaw shaking a bit because of the tension.

"My fault?!" Ash asked shouting at her.

"I didn't say that! So stop shouting at me! You are being an asswhole!" Shay screamed back.

"I'm not shouting! And you are the asswhole!" Ash said cleaning the tears that were starting to fall, cowardly tears, bittersweet tears.

"I'm tired of this shit! Look at us, Ashley…; I think-, I think I need some time off" Shay said looking away from Ashley's face; she was crying too, she loved her so much it hurts, her heart was being tortured, "You know I-", Shay said looking back at her.

"Is that what you want?" Ashley cut her off, looking deeply into her eyes to find something to hold on, hope.

"Yes, I can't do this anymore", Shay replied, looking at her for one last time and walked away, she couldn't stop crying, and when she was leaving the set she bumped into Marlene, but didn't say anything and left. Marlene was worried, but didn't follow her; she knew she needed time alone.

Then she entered into the set and found Ashley crying quietly, sobbing constantly. She looked so hopeless and miserable; they had fought, it was obvious; she knew it was between them, but she couldn't help to care, they were like their daughters, and they were in pain; but this time, it was their problem, she knew it was something personal, so she left, leaving her words behind, and tears started falling down, she hated seeing them sad, but they needed to grow up.

**.**

Ashley was in California, she arrived a few hours ago, it was an early flight. She was driving with Olive by her side, the road was quiet, the music was really high; she just wanted to forget about everything. She was going to meet with some friends later to go to Universal Studios, but first she needed food, she was starving, her sunglasses covered her eye rings, she cried herself to sleep, things with Shay were not good at all, she was avoiding her, and she was not going to go after her, she decided to forget about it and go on with her life.

She got to a snack bar, carry Olive with her and went to buy something to eat, the cashier was very nice to her and seem to love her dog; she loved Olive, she was like her daughter, just like Shay and Foxy, they were their babies, fuck, no, not going there.

After she bought a hamburger she returned to her car to eat, she shared some with Olive and kept driving.

**.**

She had a lot of fun, the day had been amazing, Universal Studios was full, there was so many people, a lot of culture; the Transformers simulator was the best of all; she loved it. She now was going to a friend's house to party, she had been cancelling them for a while now, and she missed them.

Two hours later she finally reached her destination to her friend's house, all of her buddies were there, drinking beer and smoking like crazy, most of them were boys; Ashley has always spent more time with boys than girls, she just felt good around them, they were hilarious, and more friendly than most girls.

"Holy shit! Look at this piece of heaven; hey assface, where the fuck have you been?" One of her friends said, and everybody stared at her smiling.

"Shut up faggot, I'm back, so stop staring at my hotness and pass me a beer", they all laughed loudly and gave her a beer.

"It was about time princess", Benjamin told her smiling and gave her a tight hug.

Ash hugged him back and smiled, she missed this, spending time with her girls, those idiots, she loved them.

They drank until midnight, everybody was so drunk, they were dancing, some of the boys were throwing a few girls into the pool; Ash was sitting on a couch inside the big house.

She knew she needed to go back to the hotel, the Sunset Tower was really expensive for her to waste it, but she couldn't stand up, she was way too drunk, she had this big smile and she didn't know why, she was destroyed, she felt like crap but the alcohol made her feel invincible and wild, but still she was too tired to stand up, so she just laid there, checking her phone, she saw Shay had tweeted earlier something about her hair, she laughed loudly, fuck she hated her, because now all she could think about was her new hair, hair, hair, shay, FUCK, she finally stood up and went to the pool side to say goodbye.

"Hey guys, I should leave, I have to go back to my hotel", Ash could barely talk right.

"Hell no, I'm not letting you drive like this, you could hurt someone, or the car, no, you'll stay here", Benjamin complained stopping her.

"I need to go back, seriously, I've paid for 3 days", Ash replied annoyed, she wanted to leave.

"Fuck, all right, I'll tell my driver to take you then", he said sad and hugged her, "Take care of yourself princess, and please, don't be an idiot and fix things with Shay", Ashley became tense in his arms.

"What? How? What?" Ash asked confused; how did he know?

"I know you Ashley…, she's your best friend, and I know how much you care about her, c'mon, you don't even care about Ryan as much as you care about Shay, don't be stupid and fix it" he finished leaving her paralyzed; was she that easy to read? Fuckin' friends.

She went back to her hotel, thanked Benjamin's driver and went to her room. When she got there, she threw the keys on the kitchen table, and went to lay face up on her bed.

She needed time off? When did things get so complicated? She broke up with Ryan, Shay knew that, she was going to have a lot of free time, she thought that could be a good excuse to spent more time with Shay, but she was wrong. Things were really fucked up between them, the emotional distance was huge, and she knew things were going to get harder, she had to fix things with her, she just had to…; life without Shay wasn't life, she loved her more than anything…, she just, loved her, that's it; it didn't have another word.

The way Shay hold her made her forget the entire world and just feel her, feel her arms around her, her heart beating fast every time she got closer, how loved she felt with her, she was her everything, the love they had was beyond time, beyond reason; when she looked at her, she saw her life in her eyes, her past, her present and her future-, she knew, she was forever; Shay would always be a part of her life…, she would die before letting her go, die; because death was better than not having-, wait no, fuck, she had to stop thinking like that, the alcohol was making her think stupid, stupid things; she could live without Shay-, she is fine, she doesn't need her; she's a strong, independent woman, she'll handle it.

Ashley decided it was time to sleep after being 3 hours trying really hard to close her eyes and forget about everything for a moment; she had to rest, her flight was at 10am, and it was…, yes, 4am. Olive was the one who enjoyed that weekend the most, he had been sleeping since 8pm, and she only had 3 more hours to sleep, she was pissed, because the one thing she love the most in her entire life, no joking, was sleeping; fuckin' insomnia.

**.**

Filming, filming and filming, Ashley spent every minute of her day on set, she barely had time to eat, and things with Shay were still bad, they haven't talked since their fight, and Ashley wasn't going to make any effort to talk with her, after all, Shay was the one who wanted "time off" pff.

"We are done for today guys", the director said, after Ashley's last scene.

Ashley thanked the crew and went to pick up her things in her dressing room, she could hear Shay's music through the walls; she felt that pressure in her chest she's been feeling lately every time she thinks about her…

"So, are you going to the Dance party?" Ian asked Ash, entering her dressing room and sitting in her couch.

"Yeah, you know how much I love dancing", Ashley answered saving her things on her purse.

"You guys are still not talking, hu?" Ian pointed out making Ash tense.

"No", she said looking at him, and then started going out, running, always running from her.

"You know you will need to talk someday", Ian said following her on her way out.

"Yeah well, not today", she replied walking away from him.

She wanted to forget about everything, but when she checked her phone, she saw a fan tweeted a pic of how their babies would look like, she sighed, and without thinking it that much, she reblogged the pic and mentioned Shay. One thing was fighting with Shay, and another very different was getting their fans involved, she wasn't going to get them in this, they had to be happy, even if she wasn't herself; she would always put them first.

**.**

Shay was leaving Warner Brothers studios when her phone vibrated with a notification, she took it out and checked her mentions, she shivered, it was Ashley… Was she trying to fix things? Was she mocking her? What did it mean? She wanted really bad to ask her, but she couldn't, it was too painful, she barely saw her anyway, they haven't been filming scenes, Ash was all the time with Tyler and Julian, and they were really careful on not bumping with each other between takes or in lunch breaks.

But the unthinkable happened; just as she was getting to the parking lot, she accidently bumped into someone, the impact was so intense, they both fall down to the ground. Shay looked down worried because she was on top of the person she bumped into, but her hair was blocking the view, she moved a stray of hair behind her ear to have a better view, and she hold her breath, it was Ashley…

"I-, sorry, I didn't see you" Shay said insecure of how Ash would react.

"Um, its okay, I didn't see you too", Ash replied finally staring at her, they both looked at each other's eyes and pain started hitting their chests.

"I should get up…" Shay said giving her a last look and standing up, she fought with herself but offered Ashley her hand to help her stand up.

"Thanks", Ash said taking her hand to pull herself up; but nobody warned her about the sparks she was going to feel when she touched her, and how her heart was going to beat so fast she thought it was going to get out of her chest.

Ashley stood up but didn't leave Shay's hand and shay was no making any effort to let her go either; they look at their hands interlaced and then stare at each other, but it was Shay the one to break the tension, letting go of Ash's hand slowly, and when it was in her side she caressed it like she had been burned or punched.

"Why did you tweet that?" Shay asked never breaking eye contact with her.

"Because I don't think our fans should get involved in our fights", Ashley said coldly emphasizing the word "our" to make her feel guilty.

"You're right, good idea, perhaps we should take a picture too; after all, it only matters what other people think, right?" Shay replied harshly.

"That's not what I meant" Ashley said with a sad voice.

"Let it go", Shay said shaking her head in denial.

"I will, just like you did", Ash replied turning back to walk away, she felt hopeless and wanted to cry, why she had to be so hard on her?

"I didn't let go, I don't think I could ever do that…, but walk away, it's always easier that way", Shay said loud enough for her to hear, and she did and turned back to face her.

"I'm not walking away, I'm respecting your decision, you needed time, I'm giving you all the time you want", Ashley said raising her arms to emphasize her sarcasm, then rolled her eyes and went away for real.

Shay stood there and watched her walk away, the way she quoted her own words, she hated it, she hated how she made her feel, was it her fault? No, Ashley was not being fair with her; she was putting herself as the victim. Isn't it ironic? Yeah, that's what she thought.

**.**

Ashley went to the Dance Party, wore her best everything-is-fine smile and tried to have fun, dancing with all those celebrities and making an effort to talk with all of them, but there was something missing, still.

Shay spent her night on her computer, Tumblr to be specific, she was mad, and so was her posts, she had drank a bottle of wine that was making her feel warm but her fight with Ashley that afternoon hasn't got out of her head.

"Silence is better than bullshit", she read as she reblogged a picture that said everything she couldn't say; she was not going to apologize, would she? She wasn't thinking clearly now, the wine was starting to sink in, she had to stop worrying so much, things were going to be fine.

She was listening music and singing at the top of her lungs, when Michaela entered in her room, Shay looked up and stared at her with curiosity.

"What's up?" Shay asked her smiling, effect of the wine.

"There's someone looking for you…" Michaela said unsure because of the state of her friend.

"Well, let that someone come in", Shay answered in a perfect British accent making Michaela roll her eyes.

"You're drunk, and so as your visitor" said Michaela, walking towards the door.

Shay hadn't noticed but it was 2am, however, she continued dancing and singing in her bed.

Michaela came in again with her visitor, Shay looked up and her face changed, it was Ashley, she looked tired and a little dizzy, she must have just returned from the Dance party.

"Well, I'm going to sleep, goodnight girls", Michaela said before leaving them alone.

Shay could tell Ash was unsure of how to begin; she sat in front of her and opened her mouth but close it again looking for words.

"Let me start", Shay said trying to help her out, "We were both jealous and afraid of losing each other, but fighting, just pulled as more apart, and I-, I need you Ashley; I know I can seem very strong but, I'm just as scared as you are; and I never wanted time off, that was bullshit, I was just mad at you for ignoring me", Shay said honestly, letting all the anger go away and focusing on them, for once.

"I was driving home, and without noticing I ended up coming here, I don't know, I just, I felt the need to see you…, and on the way here, I realized I was a complete idiot-, not just for not noticing things were changing, but for letting you cut me off-, we are one person, and I shouldn't have ignores that; I won't let it happen again, because let's face it, we can't live without each other", Ashley said finishing with a sweet smile that made Shay's heart melt.

"We really can't, can we?" Shay said returning the smile; she was complete now.

"Nope, nobody makes you laugh like I do", Ashley said secure, taking Shay's laptop and put it apart, leaving nothing on their way.

"I love you" Shay said simpering and pulled her into a hug.

Ashley was taken by surprise but returned the hug, closing her eyes and breathing again; she moved one hand to hold Shay's hand, when she reached it, Shay grabbed her hand tight and pulled back to stare at her.

"Stay tonight"

"With you?" Ashley said dramatically giving Shay a sweet look.

Shay nodded and laid on the bed pulling Ash to her side, never letting go of her hand, they both sighed in unison and laughed. If things were only that easy…; together they felt like they could do anything, like nothing was too hard and everything had a solution; they could be right or they could be wrong, but what they did know, never alone.

**.**

_So, it's settled, i'll post weekly, don't forget to review telling what you think, suggestions, deductions, whatever._


	8. Chapter 8

_****Sorry I took this long, and i'm sorry this chapter sucks, but i wasn't getting too much inspiration lately, so i waited and nothing; but it has been a while, so here it is, I hope you keep reviewing, I wanna know what you think and how you feel about where this is going, i'm planning a really big fight soon, and well, just keep reading, don't forget feed back, it's really important for me to keep writing and well, THANK YOU ALL._

**Chapter 8: You Can't Lose Her Again**

After all the problems they had, Shay and Ashley were now fine, they were like they used to be; of course, the feeling had never left, but after all the fights, they understood that they couldn't be without each other, it was impossible, the bond was way too strong to break it.

Lindsey was walking through the hallway of the set, she was looking for Shay; they were really good friends, and after their Ustream, Lindsey was starting to love hanging out with her, and Ashley.

Ashley was another story; she could tell, having girl friends wasn't her thing, she was always really careful when she was around her, like she wasn't entirely herself… But with Shay it was different; she noticed how happy she was around Shay, and it was really cute how much they loved each other. Shay was very fond of Ashley too; when they were filming, Ash would occasionally pass around to see her, and as soon as she arrived, Shay's face would lightened up, it was instantly, even when they were kissing; Shay would feel Ash's presence and smile; once Lindsey thought she liked the kiss, but then she realized Ashley was giggling behind them, and when they finished, she would tease Shay nonstop, making her blush and punch her; they had this invisible bubble when they were together, sometimes they would get out of it and talk to other people, but they would be always together, like they were one person.

Lindsey arrived to Shay's dressing room, but when she was about to come in she heard something that caught her attention.

"We could live in Paris you know?" Ashley said.

"But I wanna live in Italy, babe", It was Shay's voice, no doubt.

"We can do both, but promise we'll be together; one week Paris, and the next one Italy", Ashley answered.

Lindsey looked through the half open door and saw the sweetest thing ever; Shay was sitting on her couch caressing Ash's hair, who was laying on Shay's lap looking at her grinning, Shay's hair blocked the view of her face, but Lindsey could tell, she was grinning too.

"I promise", Shay stated and laughed; Ashley laughed back, looking down and then playing with her own hands.

Lindsey decided it was time to stop being a creep and knock the door, "Hey guys, I was just-"

"Lindsey!" Ash and Shay screamed and started laughing.

"I just finished with my scenes, wanna do something?" Lindsey said chuckling.

"We are doing something", Ashley said smirking, lifting her head and resting it on Shay's stomach to look at her.

"What?" Lindsey asked confused.

"Being lazy" Shay answered and started laughing again.

Lindsey laughed too, "Really? We could do something funnier"

Shay gave Ashley a puzzled look, "What do you think Ashley?"

"I don't know, hmmm", Ashley said looking around for ideas.

"C'mon girls, we're 3 brains here" Lindsey said.

Shay smiled at Lindsey's commentary, and then looked down at Ashley, who was still with a puzzled face apparently searching for ideas; Shay smiled at her and grabbed her right hand, interlacing their fingers, and entertained herself playing with their hands while they were thinking in what to do.

"I know!" Ash said standing up smiling proud of herself.

"What's that?" Shay asked simpering.

"We should do a music video; Lindsey you'll record, Shay will be the hot girl, cause she has experience with the whole Sean Paul video riot; and I'll be the rapper" Ashley explained and stared at them moving her head waiting for their reactions.

"It sounds amazing, let's do that!" Lindsey said standing up, and high fived Ash, who was completely grinning now.

"Okay, we can do that, but I'm not taking my clothes off", Shay said and they all laughed.

After they finished the music video they were cracking up, Ashley was still rapping nonsense's making Shay laugh harder, and Lindsey just smiled watching them, they were so silly.

"Well, girls, I'm heading home, I'm tired", Lindsey said waving the girls goodbye.

"Bye Lindsey!" Ashley screamed, making her laugh.

"Have a nice night shawsters", Shay said waving back and smiling at Ashley who was still screaming the same thing over and over again.

"So, wanna go back to my room to cuddle?" Ashley said turning back to look at Shay.

"I wanna go home, I'm tired", Shay said and gave Ash a dramatic look.

"Okay, let's go home. But you are driving", Ashley said while taking her car keys out.

"I don't mind driving honey, I have a license for a reason", Shay said and Ashley rolled her eyes, hitting Shay's arm.

**.**

The next day, everybody on set were in a fantastic mood, especially Ashley and Shay who were hanging with their crew buddies.

"We should call Ian", Ashley said laughing, while they were thinking who they could prank.

"Oh! You are saying that because Lucy Punk'd him?" One of the guys said laughing.

"Don't be mean Ash…" Shay said giving Ashley a knowing look, when she nodded her head cracking up.

"Babe, I'm not being mean; I'm just saying, he would buy it" Ash said staring at her simpering.

"Okay, whatever", Shay said rolling her eyes.

Ashley blew her a kiss and stood up, all the guys were lost in their own conversations, and they totally forgot about the prank, so she started walking randomly around the set, she was going back to where everyone were talking, but something caught her eye.

"Oh my god, Shannon, come here and look at this, please", Ashley said smiling and laughing while she grabbed three masks she found in one box somewhere around the set.

"Oh my gosh; are you serious?" Shay said laughing and grabbed one of the masks.

"Deadly serious, let's do a music video!" Ashley said talking with a mask on.

Shay laughed and put the mask on, "Let's do it boss", Ashley laughed as they walked to where the guys were.

"People, we are going to make a music video, who wants to be our director?" Ashley said in a loud voice, the guys turned back and started cracking up.

"You look beautiful girls", David said laughing.

"Now that you are monkeys…, can you make my fantasy come true and kiss each other?" the designer said with her hands together like he was praying.

"Ugh, you're an ass", Ashley said rolling her eyes, but without a previous warning, Shay grabbed her arm and kissed her fully on the mask's lips.

Ashley closed her eyes as a reflect, but didn't move away, Shay put her arms around her neck and pulled her closer, they weren't really kissing, their lips weren't even touching, but Ashley's heart was beating much faster than it ever had beaten; and she couldn't stop it.

When they pulled apart, Ash thanked god she had a mask on, because she was in shock; hypnotized, she looked retarded, but nobody noticed that, they were just laughing.

"Your wish just came true", Shay said with a ceremonial voice and turned back to look at Ash, who was still froze in her spot.

"Are you ready to do that video?" Shay asked while she grabbed her hand, and lead her behind a wall on the set to start filming.

Ashley wasn't talking she just followed Shay, acting like nothing happened, cool and relaxed.

"So, how are we going to do this?" Shay asked her smiling.

"I really don't know", Ashley sighed, giving two meanings to her words.

**.**

Ashley was flying to New York and Shay to Miami for the weekend. Even though they texted and phoned each other almost every day, Ashley knew something was going on with Shay, like she was hiding something. She was worried, but didn't say anything to Shay, she just pretended like everything was fine and avoid talking about feelings and stuff.

But when she found out Keegan was there with her, she got scared; she knew Keegan had a little crush on Shay since day one, but she always thought that was just platonic and in a friendship way; but lately, it was different. That year they had gotten really close; they hang out a lot… and now, they were travelling together; that didn't bother her, what pissed her off was the fact that she didn't even mention him, and she had to found out by Twitter.

That night she didn't answer when Shay called, she even went clubbing. If she didn't trust her enough to tell her what was going on with her love life, fine, it was her decision; she told her everything about Ryan, but if she was going to be all secretive about Keegan, fuck her, she wasn't going to make her be honest with her; she was not in the mood for her bullshit.

"It's not what you think, if I didn't mention he was coming, is because it's nothing; and I know you think it's because there's something going on between us, but if there was something, anything, you'll be the first one to know, you know that. I don't want us to fight again, I love you", after Ashley finished listening to Shay's voicemail, she threw herself in her bed and closed her eyes; think Ashley, think, you can't lose her again, you can't, don't be stupid, she must be telling the truth.

"Okay, I won't be immature, I'm not hanging up", Ashley said when Shay picked up.

"Are you still mad?" Shay said with a sweet voice, and of course, Ash melted.

"No… I can't stay mad at you. I might have overreacted, if you say there's nothing going on, I believe you, but if anything happens, be honest with me, you know I can help you with that, I have some experience" Ashley said relaxed, and a warm smile crossed her face just by the sound of her friend's voice.

"I know babe, I promise, no secrets between us", Shay said with an honest voice.

"No secrets", Ashley replied, trying to sound convincing, because she knew there was one thing she wasn't telling Shay, one thing she wasn't telling anybody, and it wasn't because she was embarrassed, or scared, she knows she didn't do anything wrong, but did she?


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9: Two Secrets**

**Flashback; **

Ashley, Shay and Ryan were having a pajama party; they were at ash's place. They had gone to the cinema, ate pizza and played Xbox. It was getting late; shay was sitting next to Ashley on her leaving room couch.

"I'm so tired! How about we go to sleep" Ryan said walking towards Ashley's bedroom, "Babe?" He called her from her bedroom door.

Ashley was still laughing at something shay had found on Youtube, "I'm coming! Let me finish this video"

"Okay, I'll wait for you" He answered lighting up a cigarette. Then he closed the door making a loud sound.

"Ash, go, your boyfriend's calling" Shay said while pushing Ashley off the couch.

"But we're having fun!" She replied making a sad face.

"What do you prefer, watching some stupid video with me or getting laid?" Shay said raising her eyebrows.

Ashley smiled at her, she wanted to say she preferred the stupid video, but that wasn't what she should do, so, she rolled her eyes and start walking to where ryan was waiting "Don't wait up for me babe" shay smiled and let her go.

.

A few minutes later low moaning noises came from Ashley's bedroom, Shay was listening to music at the maximum volume but she could still hear something; she tried to entertain herself watching TV with her earphones on, listening to The Killers and Goo Goo Dolls, but still she couldn't help feeling that thing in her chest.

She was really uncomfortable listening to the sex session that was going on in her best friend's bedroom. She took her earphones off and concentrated on some documentary about pigs in Natgeo; apparently, you could adopt a baby pig and own it as a pet. She would definitely try it someday.

As she was watching TV, thoughts of earlier events came to haunt her.  
She remembered what happened when they went to the movies 4 hours ago, because for some reason Ryan thought it was a great idea to go, ignoring the fact that both girls were exhausted.

They were taking a pic to post it on twitter, and Ryan was buying them pop corn, "Come here Shannon, I'm taking a pic for our twitter followers", ash called shay who was helping Ryan.

But when shay was standing next to ashley to take the pic ashley turned to see her and accidently touch shay's lips with hers, they barely touched, but left shay frozen and smiling awkwardly for the pic that ash took anyway; then when she was going to upload it, shay stopped her.

"What are you doing?" Shay asked worriedly.

"Mmm, uploading a pic?" Ash said without looking at her, fingers taping words Shay couldn't process.

"You are not going to post that, are you?" Shay insisted.

"It's okay Shay, it's not like we are kissing or anything", Ashley replied calming her down.

"No, but it seems like we were about to", Shay said looking for Ryan who was behind them paying the food.

"Ryan was behind, it's not like it was only the two of us; besides, it's a funny picture if you ask me", Ash said giving her a comforting smile.

"If you said so" shay said and started laughing with ash. She wasn't going to post it though; the less pics of that weird moment, the best; it was bad enough what she felt with that 'accident'.

.

Shay was lying on the couch, she couldn't sleep. The lights were off and she could feel the stars shinning through the window. She came closer to see them, felt the cold wind and closed her eyes; then she grabbed a chair near the kitchen, sat in front of the window and rested her chin on the cold metal.

She stared at the sky, it was a full moon; she could hear the dogs barking, creepy.

Suddenly, she heard some footsteps coming closer to where she was sitting, and she knew exactly who was making them.

Wasn't she fucking Ryan? Shay wondered, but didn't turn back, she was going to ignore it; she had to.

"Hey", she said, sitting next to her.

Shay turned to face her; she was only wearing Ryan's red shirt. She looked fucked, shay shouldn't look at her, but she couldn't help it, her blue eyes were burning her heart.

"Hey", Shay said with a half smile.

"Enjoying the view?" Ashley asked turning to see through the window.

"It's beautiful", Shay replied looking at her; the shadow of the moon lighted up her blue eyes, making her look like an angel, she was blushing because of the sex session, and her hair was a mess, but still, she had never looked as perfect as she looked right then; shay wanted to cry, she was absolutely flawless, the view was in fact, breathtaking.

"Why aren't you sleeping?" Ash asked while turning to face shay again.

Shay immediately looked up to see the moon again, hiding her thoughts.

"I don't know, I just can't; there's something about this night; something told me to come here", Shay said mentally counting the stars to stop her from saying something stupid.

"I felt the same", Ash came closer and rested her head on shay's shoulder, making shay shivered with the contact, "Ryan is asleep, but I couldn't, I think I just needed some air" her perfume was intoxicating; Shay wrapped her arms around her waist involuntarily and rested her head on ash's.

They both closed their eyes and stayed like that for a long time, Ashley could hear Shay's heart; she hold shay's hand and interlaced her fingers with hers, then shay sighed and hold her tighter.

"Never let me go" ash whispered loud enough for only shay to hear it.

"Why?" Shay asked pulling away to look into her eyes, Ashley stared at her too, they were both whispering, like if the talk they will ruin the moment.

"Because I honestly don't know what I'll do without you" ash said not letting go of shay's hand. Shay didn't say anything and stared at her with a warm smile.

"You truly are my best friend in the whole world, shay" Ashley continued, and gave her a hug.

Shay returned the hug "You are my best friend too" she said with a huge smile, hiding her face in her blonde hair.

"Oh aren't you two the cutest thing ever?" Ryan said smiling; they didn't notice he'd just come in and was walking towards the fridge.

"Oh, shut up, Ryan" Ashley said before finishing the hug.

"But you are!" Ryan insisted grabbing a glass and filling it with milk.

"You are going to drink milk, like really?" Shay said laughing.

"A man has to keep healthy bones, honey" he said while going to hug Ashley who had stood up.

"If not how could I lift my girl" he said looking at Ashley who rolled her eyes.

"Okay Ryan, now go back to sleep" Ashley demanded and gave him a quick peck on the lips.

"Ohhh, you girls wanna get dirty!" Ryan teased raising his eyebrows; sometimes, only sometimes, shay hated him.

"Yes Ryan, we were going to make out, so, If you excuse us, get the fuck out" Ash replied playfully, and shay laughed.

"Yeah Ryan, what a huge cockblocker" shay continued.

This time all of them laughed their asses off, that commentary was so accurate.

"All right girls, this stud is going to bed, will I'd be expecting you soon babe?" He asked ash with a sweet voice.

"I'll be there in a minute" ash answered giving him a love drunk smile.

"Bye ry!" Shay said with a baby voice.

"Sweet dreams buttah" Ryan said while going back to the bedroom.

"Ugh, why are you so cute?" Ash said smiling.

"I don't know, I guess I was born this way" shay answered returning the smile.

"We have to sleep, you know?" Ash told shay leaning into the dishwasher.

"Are you talking to me or to the dishwasher?" Shay asked laughing, Ashley was such a dork.

"Hu?" Ash said turning back to face shay who was leaning against the wall near the window.

"Never mind, I'm going to sleep; goodnight buddy" shay said returning to the couch to grab her laptop.

"You're going to sleep in the couch? Ryan is not a rapper you know, you can sleep in the extra bedroom, it's yours really, you always sleep there" ash said following her.

"I'm just going to bring my laptop, silly" shay said smiling at her little speech.

"Oh then, I feel like an idiot, all right! Bye, sleep tight" ash said smiling and left, leaving shay in complete darkness. Things were never that simple, and that day Shay had realized it was never going to be the same with Ashley, because she had feelings for her.

**Present Time;**

The girls were hanging around on the set; Ashley was telling Shay everything about NY, and Shay about Orlando, but there was something missing, Ashley was hiding something, Shay could tell, after a few hours she gave up and said it.

"I saw James"

"James who?"

"James Franco; he was in NY too, so, he asked me if we could go to get a cup of coffee" Ashley said looking at her shoes lifting herself a little with her hands on the chair they were siting.

"Oh, how is he?" Shay asked, ignoring the fact that her chest was tightening; because of something she couldn't put a name yet.

"He's great; we were remembering the good times when we were filming SP, and.., well yeah, basically that" Ashley said, her eyes looking anywhere but her.

"That's nice, he seems a very cool dude" Shay said looking at her.

"Yeah…, Keegan is pretty cool too" Ashley said, now looking back at her.

"He is" Shay replied avoiding Ash's eyes.

"Well…, I have to go back to location, babe" Ashley announced standing up.

"Me too, now that you mention it" Shay stood up so they were now standing in front of each other.

"See you later?"

"Yeah"

"Love you", Ashley said opening her arms to ask for a hug.

"Love you too", Shay said smiling and wrapping her arms around her. They both closed their eyes and extended the hug for a minute or two to then let go.

Ashley waved Shay goodbye as she walked to her set, Shay smiled softly watching her go. Things are better left unsaid, but why does it have to hurt like hell?

**.**

"Are you really going to come with me?" Shay asked Ashley as they were having lunch on crafty.

"You know I love Vegas Shannon, besides, I have some things to do there; so, it'll be a win-win for both of us", Ash said grinning.

"Okay, I'm buying the tickets today; give me the money before you go home, okay?" Shay said and sighed smirking at her.

"Yes I will boss!" Ashley said, making Shay laugh, "Oh, by the way, who's coming with us?"

"Keegan said he wanted to go, so, I'm buying his ticket too", Shay said giving her a gentle smile.

"Oh.., then I'll tell Izak to come with us. He will kill me if I don't take him", Ashley said grabbing her phone to text him.

"Do whatever you want. Just remember, give me the money before you go. I have to go back to set" Shay said turning back, leaving "their" favorite place in complete silence, and a hurt Ashley.

Shay didn't know what happened to her back there, she got so mad at Ash for no reason, she was just being casual, and she was only telling her friend to go with her for the love of god! Why would she act like a jerk?! She has to apologize to her; it's not polite to let this go.

Just when Shay was about to call Ashley, she received a text message, "Don't worry, Izak already bought our tickets; thanks anyway", that's it, she was an idiot, she knew Ash, and she was mad, worse, she was hurt, and it was her fault.

She had to go back and look for Ashley, her rudeness wasn't going to get her anywhere, just to fight with Ashley again, and she definitely didn't want that. She walked back trying to reach crafty, when a pair of hands grabbed softly her waist from behind, and lips whispered into her ear "Where are you going beautiful?" Shay smiled and turned back.

"You need to learn better pick-up lines"

"Oh c'mon, I think that was pretty good" Keegan said rubbing gently her hips, pulling her closer to him.

"Try harder" Shay whispered with her sexiest voice only a few inches from his mouth.

"If I followed you home, would you keep me?" Keegan whispered looking straight into her eyes.

"Maybe", Shay said and without any warning Keegan leaned in and kissed her in the lips. The kiss was slow and sensual; Keegan put her arms around her getting their bodies as closer as possible, then he lead them into a dark corner where no one could see them, pressing Shay against the wall, making her shiver a little from the pleasure; she instantly wrapped her arms around his neck to deepened the kiss.

They weren't worried on being caught because no one ever goes that far from set; they usually all hang out on the cafeteria or near the parking lot. Shay and Keegan weren't a couple, they were just friends who were physically attracted to each other, and wanted to have a good time, that was it.

It all started when Ashley travelled to Venice, in the party Shay organized for her, they were drunk, one thing lead to another and they ended up making out like crazy on Shay's bedroom. After that, they promised to not tell anyone; Shay wanted to tell Ashley so bad, but that meant breaking her promise and things could get complicated, so she had to save it to herself, good thing she had no deep feelings for him, so it was easier that way to keep it as a secret.

Shay lose track of time when Keegan's tongue entered her mouth; it wasn't romantic, it wasn't sweet, it was hot, it was a hungry kiss, he wanted to eat her; when Shay's tongue made contact with Keegan's, she heard him moan into her mouth, getting her really horny, making her take one hand from his neck to put it under his shirt to touch his perfect abs, she opened her eyes and looked into his blue eyes, a memory flashed through her mind making her chest hurt, but she forgot about it just as she saw the lust on Keegan's eyes, that were darker than normal, she closed her eyes and they kissed again.

Keegan ran his hands through her back and started kissing her neck, one hand in Shay's mouth to silence her low moans; but just as he was going to put his hands under her shirt, they heard a noise coming from behind, and they pulled away in a second.

Shay got paralyzed; in front of them, there she was, looking at her who was completely blushing, no lipstick, clothes a complete mess; Ashley.

The 3 of them were in total silence, nobody could manage a word. Ashley was still looking at Shay like she had been betrayed, her blue eyes full of sadness, pure and complete sadness, and…, regret? Ashley didn't seem just hurt but realization had filled her eyes, like there was something she was ashamed about, but now, that feeling was gone. It felt like hours before someone said something, and it was Keegan.

"Ashley, we would really, really, like to keep this a secret, so, could you please, not tell anyone?"

"I won't say anything" Ash said looking away from Shay's eyes.

"Thank you, we'll appreciate that", Keegan said with a gentle smile.

"Don't 'we' us" Shay said annoyed, then turned back to look at Ashley but she was gone.

"So? Did you buy the-"

"I have to go", Shay said ignoring his question, and left him to look for Ashley.

She walked as fast as she could, ignoring a lot of people, she had to reach her, that's all that mattered right now, after a few minutes she found her walking to her dressing room, she walked faster.

"Ashley, wait", Shay grabbed her by the arm, to make her turn around, but she didn't and opened her room door, when she entered, she tried to get Shay out but Shay entered anyway.

"Get out Shay, I don't wanna see your face", Ashley said looking mad and very serious.

"I won't", Shay said with tears in her eyes.

"Well I'm telling you to, Shay, GET OUT", Ash said looking right into her eyes to show her that she meant it.

"Ashley please, don't be like this"

"Goodbye Shannon", Ashley said walking towards the door.

"Ashley!" Shay said surprised at how she was acting.

"I said, goodbye", Ashley said with her best controlled voice and waited for Shay to get out so she can close the door. Shay walked out and looked at Ashley for one last time before saying, "Goodbye Ashley", and the door was closed.

.

Vegas wasn't at all what they expected, they both did completely different things, they were in the same hotel but didn't speak with each other, it was really hard to look away every time the bumped with each other on the hotel; they would give each other a kind smile and go on their own way, it never had felt that hard, and Ashley was still hiding something, which make it even harder for her to cope with Shay's lie.

It was the last day that Shay decided it was enough, they had to talk, a real talk, no more lies; she needed her.

Shay was nervous by the time she reached her room, it was 11pm so, she knew Ash was going to be there, according to her tweets she had been all day with Izak and some friends. She knocked the door doubtfully, but loud enough.

Ashley was lying on her bed with her pj's on, listening to music, when she heard someone was knocking on her door; she got up and went to see who was there.

It was Shay. She wasn't going to be rude, so she let her in, and after she closed the door she went straight to the point.

"What do you want?"

"To tell you the truth"

"What truth? That you are fucking Keegan? That you have something going on with him for god knows how long and you lied about it? We have nothing to talk about" Ashley said, but Shay could see the pain in her eyes, she was not letting this go, not this time, she was going to fight for her.

"He is nothing. We are not together. I know I lied, and I feel awful, Ashley; I wanted to tell you, I really do, but nobody could know about this, you have to understand, I know I'm an idiot for not telling you, but please-"

"You can't tell me he's nothing Shannon, if you are seeing each other, there's always something going on", Ashley said sitting on her bed not meeting her eyes.

"I don't have feelings for him, he's just-"

"Sex? Are you going to tell me, you're just fuck buddies? Shay, you are not like this; and I know Keegan is a great guy, but if you're just fooling around with him, it's not fair for him and neither for you", Ashley said honestly trying to forget about the anger and focus on what's best for her friend.

"We haven't been 'fucking' all the time, it's more gentle than that, I mean, we do talk about stuff, we are friends, but we make out and stuff, but I don't know" Shay answered sitting next to her.

"Shay, do you like him?" Ashley asked looking into her eyes trying to figure her out.

"No"

"Then, why are you having this "affair" with him?"

"I don't know, I guess I felt lonely, and he was there", Shay said frowning and sighing.

Ashley knew it was now or never, she had to be honest with Shay, or there were going to be consequences, she had to get it out.

"I had an emotional affair with James", Ashley finally said, leaving Shay shocked.

"What?"

"I admire him so much Shay, I learned a lot with him, we never did anything…, I never cheated on Ryan, but, there was this night, after we filmed the sex scene, where I just laid there next to him, and we talked about everything…, he told me about his life, and I shared about mine, I-, felt this strong connection with him. I told Ryan and that's when all the fighting began.., that's mainly why we broke up", Ashley was staring at the floor now, she had come clean, and she knew Shay wasn't going to be too happy about it.

"Well, I guess I'm not the only one with secrets, am I?" Shay said standing up and going to the door.

"Wait. I let you explain, and you are going to leave when I told you the truth?" Ashley said standing up to follow Shay.

"No, you made me feel like crap regretting I didn't tell you sooner, you made me come here to tell you the truth, you made me feel bad about myself; when all this time, you were lying too, you didn't trust me enough to tell me what was going on, and kept that from me not only a few months but almost a year; I could have forgiven you if you haven't acted the way you did with this whole Keegan thing, but you did, well, now I'm the one who's mad at you." Shay said with finality, letting Ashley know that this time she was really pissed.

"Wait Shay, I'm sorry, you know I'm an idiot, I fucked it up okay? I'm sorry, don't go, let's talk"

"Goodbye Ashley", Shay quoted her own words.

"Are you fuckin' kidding me?"

"Goodbye", Shay repeated closing herself Ash's door and walking away; tears falling down her face and heart sunk in the floor. She had an affair with Keegan, but, it was just physical; Ashley…, she had feelings for James, feelings… _She was never going to be alone; someone was always going to be after her; always keeping her thoughts to herself, and suffering in silence…, not even trusting her, when she knew, she'll do anything for her. She was too much for anyone, she, herself, didn't feel enough; even though she really loved her and cared for her above everything. It's never easy with love, you may be willing to risk and give everything, but if the other person is not ready, you'll just have to suffer in silence, and that's how you know she's the one, because in fact, you and her; are the same. Both scared, both alone, just looking for love; when love is right in front of you, but you keep telling yourself, it's not real, not right.., but when you need her, and she reaches you-, everything changes.., everything feels right, you are happy, you don't feel empty, you feel complete; and all you've passed and lived, is no longer part of your memory, because you haven't always been with her. _

_Nothing really matters anymore, she'll never care the way you do; she has him, you have him, and everything is how it's supposed to be, but you can't help to feel the pain, but it's complicated, it's always complicated. She saved you, you are trying to save her, but the hero doesn't always get the reward.., is better that way. This time, you have to let her go…, she'll never know, or understand how she makes you feel, how you met and you knew nothing will ever be the same after the first 'I love you' and her answering 'I love you too', and you were friends back then, and you didn't know what she was going to become, she doesn't knew either; but what she knows now, is that she'll always be the only one who truly knows you, your light, your dark…, your weaknesses, your rights, your wrongs; you wanna convince yourself, she loves you-; maybe she does, maybe she doesn't, nobody knows what goes through people's minds, one barely knows what goes through their minds; but she did know this; you loved her, it took you time to acknowledged it, but you know now, and you can never lie to your heart, no matter how hard you try, and god knows you tried._

**.**

_- Y_

Okay guys, so, this chapter is really long, I took my time, to be honest, this chapter is one of my favorites, I hope, I really hope, you like it. This is how I tried to explain why Ashley and Shay didn't spend time together in Vegas, and why Keegan was there; they will be fighting for a while, but it was needed for them to stop and acknowledge they have feelings for each other. The last thoughts were on Shay's POV, she has understood she has feelings for Ashley but she will never tell her anything about it, let's see how that works. It's getting pretty rough the next chapters, barely happy things, and a LOT of denial. Please review, it really makes my day reading your opinions, **THANK YOU FOR READING.**


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10: Premiere**

I stood there in the middle of the crowd, they were all asking for an interview¸ a photo or autograph, but I couldn't focus, her words were still echoing in my head, making me shiver every time I took a glimpse of her. She was far away talking to some reporters; she was there for me, to support me.

"_Are you gonna listen to me now? I drove all the way here Shannon" I said trying to hold the tears, it wasn't working._

_We were just back from the Just Jared Halloween party. I've wanted to talk with her all night, and she was completely avoiding me, until I offered to take her home._

"_I think I've already said everything I needed to say, Ashley", she gave me a cold glare and I just couldn't hold it anymore._

"_C'mon Shay, it's us we're talking about, I know I fucked up, you fucked up too… can't we just, forget it and move on? I need you" I was begging now, the alcohol wasn't helping much on getting myself together._

"_No, Ashley! It's not that easy. You always think you can get everything you want by just saying you're sorry and not doing anything to fix the situation, I'm sick of it, you're immature and I'm tired of your bullshit"_

"_You don't mean that.., I shouldn't have made you feel bad about Keegan when I was hiding stuff from you too. I'm really sorry; I promise I won't do it again. I want to share everything with you. Shay, you're the only person I truly care about, please, let's fix this"_

_I sensed a little hesitation from her, and tears were starting to fall down her cheeks, I needed her more than anyone, I couldn't lose her, I just, I couldn't._

"_That's the problem. When you say things like that…, you make me feel like it's going to be okay, when I know it's not"_

"_But it is going to be okay" I said coming closer to her, when I saw she wasn't going to push me away, I wrapped my arms around her and hold her tight, "I love you, you know I do… trust me, you'll be the first one to know everything about my relationships from now on"_

_Shay sighed and let the tears fall down, she was hurt, and not only because she missed her, but because she knew that whatever little or big thing she was feeling for her, it was never going to happen._

"_I love you too…, but I'm scared"_

"_Why, baby? I'm not going anywhere. You'll be stuck with me forever" the little concern on Ashley's voice made Shay wanna cry even more._

"_You don't mean that, we'll have other projects after the show is over, you know what happens…"_

"_No, not with us, not ever. We're different."_

"_I hope…"_

"_What?" I asked kissing a tear from her cheek._

"_It's you and me forever"_

I blinked 4 times before I could understand what James was trying to tell me. We weren't officially together but I kind of liked him, he had a different way of seeing life and had always something new to teach me, but it wasn't love.

And what is love, really? Maybe the way Ryan looked at me every time I did something funny, Is love, adoration, or passion? Something in the way he holds my hand when we were walking or when he occasionally opens the car door for me…

"_Ashley! Look over here!"_

"_Flash us that smile! Thank you, honey"_

"_What do your parents think about the film?"_

"_How was working with Vanessa Hudgens and Selena Gomez, are you guys close?"_

"_Oh my god, it's Ashley Benson!"_

"_Let her walk guys, please"_

"_First line"_

"I'm proud of you", I snapped back to reality by hearing those words, coming from a familiar voice.

"Shannon!" I hugged her while she laughed.

"I hope you haven't lost your sanity yet", she said with a smile.

"Wait until you see the movie", we both laughed and I looked at the floor.

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah, just quite too excited" I let out an awkward laugh to then lift me head to stare at her.

Maybe it was the way she made me feel like I could do anything, how she believed in me and never judged me. The way her smile always reached her eyes whenever she looked at me, how she was always right..

"I love you"

Or maybe, it was just because everything I did always lead me to her. She was the only one who truly knew me, and loved every single one of my flaws. What is love? The question was lingering on my mind, before I knew the answer was right in front of me, reflected in a pair of brown eyes, the eyes I couldn't help but stare every time I had a chance..

"I love you too"


	11. Chapter 11

Okay, I will start writing on Ashley's POV and sometimes in Shay's POV, and idk what I'm writing? Just, read okay?

**Chapter 11: Not Easy**

It's been a week since I kind of realized I liked Shay as more than a friend. I don't even know what I'm feeling, it's something new, like, I know that Shay will never hurt me and there's something in the way she talks that I just find so cute, I can't stop staring, I didn't realize that I always did it until now, and it's fucking scary.

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm just a little mad because Marlene said I had to dye my hair again"

"You look good in any color, babe"

"Thanks"

I couldn't even hold a conversation without getting all nervous, she was going to notice, she was going to know how I felt and that was going to be it, our friendship will be ruined, it will be a nightmare, Ryan will hate me forever, more than he already does.

"Ashley, what's wrong? You're kind of scaring me, you look like you've seen a ghost"

"I'm okay Shannon! Stop with the questions, it's annoying"

"Woah! Don't get all sassy with me. I have to go anyways, call me when you are not with your period"

"No, wait, I just told you why I was mad"

"Yes Ashley, but I'm not Marlene, so"

"I'm sorry"

"It's okay, I do have to go though"

"Wanna hang out after your scenes?"

"Haven't you read the script? We have three scenes together, filming all night buddy"

"Cool, then I'll see you later"

"See ya"

The first week filming passed really quickly and I lost a couple of chances to tell Shay what I was feeling, but it always ended up with a "nevermind", "I've been thinking I should start dieting" "what's on tv right now?" "I'll call you later" and the list goes on.

"Shay I have to tell you something"

"What's up?"

"I…"

"Yeah..?"

"I wonder what's like to kiss a girl?"

"Hmm, Ash, you've kissed Vanessa, you should know what is like" and that's it she started laughing, her lame attempt to exposed her feelings had failed, again.

"Besides, I've never kissed a girl if it's not in front of a camera so"

"Me neither, that's why I was curious"

"What's got into you lately? You've been acting weird"

"It's" I sighed defeated, "I'm scared that if I tell you what's on my mind, you wouldn't feel-, think, the same as me"

"What?"

I can't, I just can't, no, no, just no, don't, she'll leave you, she'll think you're a freak.

"I don't know"

"You don't know?"

"It's not easy, okay Shannon?"

"Oh my god, are you pregnant?"

"No, what?"

Shay sighed relieved and stared at her waiting for answers. She's noticed how Ashley has changed; she's been acting really weird and almost always avoided eye contact or touching.

"What's wrong? You know you can tell me anything", and there she goes with the 'you can tell me anything'; it's not that she didn't trust her, it's that she couldn't tell her, she was really confused.

"I think-"

"What? Ashley c'mon you're scaring me"

"I think I'm-,no"

"What?" Shay asked confused, her mind was making up lots of scenarios, all of them included their friendship ruined.

"I'm in love with you"


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter 12: You Break Me**

Remember when I said Shay will never hurt me? I was completely wrong.

It's not the fact that she's stopped hanging out with me or talking to me, it's that she's completely ignoring how I feel about her.

The day I told her what I felt, she just cried and hugged me. She didn't say anything, not an "I'm in love with you too" or "I love you", nothing, not a single word.

It's stupid to believe she'd feel the same, she probably feels sorry for me. It hurts; it hurts like it's never hurt before. I can't help to feel this knot in my throat every time she's around, every time she talks, every time she touches me, it burns, and all I wanna do is get out of there and scream at the top of my lungs how bad she makes me feel, how incomplete, how empty my heart is lately, how broken.

I try to think of ways to bring the subject up, but I can't, I'm so scared she'll reject me, this time with actual words. I'm scared, but she's a coward, why can't she just face me and tell me she doesn't feel the same, why treat me like this? What's the point on making me feel like shit?

"There you are, I find it odd you not being at crafty", her voice filled the room and I felt my chest tightening.

"Yeah, I already ate" I said staring at my computer, then tracing nervously the lines of my collar bone.

"I thought that was our thing"

"I don't know what you're talking about"

Shay sighed and sat next to me, I kept scrolling down my Tumblr trying to avoid eye contact, she was not gonna make me cry again. Her hand was in mine stopping my movements, fucking great, now she wants to talk, well, maybe I don't want to.

"I think we need to talk", there it goes.

"About?"

"Ashley, can you at least look at me, please?" She begged, I turned to face her.

"What do you wanna talk about Shay?" I repeated, harder this time.

"You know what I mean.." She said biting nervously her lip, great.

"WHAT DO YOU WANNA TALK ABOUT?" I said completely angry, and stood up, I've had enough.

"Maybe about how you made me feel like shit, after I had the balls to tell you how I felt or how you ignored what happened and didn't say a word? What is it Shannon? Which one's gonna be?"

"I didn't know what to say…"

"You hurt me! I never thought you'd hurt me, you were supposed to be my best friend Shay, you didn't say anything! You made me feel like a fucking idiot!"

"I'M SORRY!" She said standing up now, and getting closer, trying to hold my face, but I pulled back.

"Babe, don't be like this, I'm really sorry, I just, I didn't know how to react, what to say, I was so scared Ashley, I'm so sorry", she was crying now, I could barely understand what she was saying.

She sat in the couch of my dressing room, her both hands were in her face and she was sobbing, I passed a hand roughly trough my hair and but my lip, what should I do? I'm so fucking pissed, but she's crying…

"I-, Shay stop crying, I'm sorry for all the shouting", I tried tapping her back a little.

"No, you haven't done anything, I'm such an idiot, I'm sorry for everything, but I can't Ashley, I'm sorry, this, I can't", she looked at me, her eyes were red and watery for all the crying, but she looked so beautiful I couldn't help but stare, she's so beautiful…

"It's okay"

"No, it's not, it's not okay at all, I'm such an asshole-"

"No, really, babe, it's okay", I said lifting her chin and smiling a little.

"You hate me"

"No, I really don't. The complete opposite", I chuckle and hugged her, letting her rest her head on my chest, "I just, I shouldn't have said anything, we were good, I fucked things up"

"Ash.., you didn't fuck anything up, I'm not leaving you"

"Yeah, but feelings always complicate everything, and make it painful and stupid, when it's supposed to be simple, you and me, best friends forever", I said and gave her a truthful smile, she looked down.

"Maybe one day"

"What?"

"It could happen"


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter 13: Us**

There is something about this day, something I can't explain. I don't know if it's the weather, the people, the huge smile I'm wearing… My mind goes back and forth and just won't stop, goes back to the day before, goes back to the night, to the party, to her.

"_Ashley, are you serious, flowers?"_

"_Yes, deadly serious, and you know I'm not very good at it"_

"_Thank you" she grabbed the flowers and flashed a smile. _

"_You're welcome baby" I smiled too, and couldn't help but stare…_

_I felt my whole life, it was all new… I felt my knees go weak, and my heart went crazy. Maybe, if I could just, maybe… I grabbed her hand and looked right into her eyes, she nervously looked down, expecting something, words…_

"_Shay…"_

"_Don't, just don't. You and James are together, Ashley. You're just confused, this 'feelings' you have for me are not real, and they're probably going to disappear in a few days… Don't say anything you're going to regret"_

"_This is not a game for me, Shay, it's not. I know we've been through a lot, our friendship has been really important to get us to this place, and now I know... I've been confused… I've been scared… I've doubted what I feel, I've denied it, hid it… But the truth is... it's always been you, since day one I knew you were special, the day you walked into my life.. I knew I never wanted you out", Shay was crying now, and I could barely hold the tears, but she needed to know, I wasn't going to be a coward anymore, not with her. I grabbed her chin and lifted her head up to caress her cheek, clean her tears, memorizing the face I know so well…_

"_I've never felt this way before. Every time I look at you, I, I feel alive, I feel like I could do anything, I feel safe; you make me believe in myself, you make me so happy Shannon, I can't explain how much I love you, because there are no words, and-, I think that's love, when you actually have no words to explain yourself, when you're left speechless… That's what you do to me, you leave me speechless… Shay, I love you."_

_And without any hesitation I pulled her closer to me. My hands caressing gently her waist, my forehead touching hers, no words were being said, just the silent sobs from both of us that little by little were disappearing…_

_I fought the urge to kiss her right then… I didn't want to make the first move, after all those confessions, I felt weak, I would've fall if I wasn't resting my hands on her waist._

"_I love you so much, I-", and just like that, Shay didn't finish her sentence and sealed the moment we were sharing with a kiss._

_Her lips were soft against mine, she didn't push into it, it was a sweet, full of meaning… I lost myself completely, I wasn't hearing the party or the people anymore, my whole attention was focused on a pair of lips, Shay's lips. _

_I didn't realize how or when, but we were now in a couch, I was straddling Shay, I was getting really turned on. After a few minutes I couldn't take it anymore, so I slowly started using my tongue, making Shay instantly part her lips to gain entrance, I pulled her roughly by the hair and she groaned. We were now making out like crazy, Shay's hands went down my back and grabbed my ass and that's when things got heated, she was making my blood boil, and if we had to stop right now, I would definitely be needing a cold shower…_

"_Shay! I know you told me to wait but- WOAH!" Michaela said covering her eyes and left the guest room of Shay's party._

_I pulled back and sat next to Shay who was completely blushing, I bit my bottom lip and looked at her "I think we should call it a night hu?"_

_Shay was now with both hands on her hair staring at the floor, her breathing was uneven, and her face was pale, she looked like she'd seen a ghost._

"_I'll see you later babe, I have to talk with Michaela, this should've been quite a shock for her, giving the fact that I'm supposed to be straight"_

"_Okay, have fun explaining, text me so we can meet later or.."_

"_Done"_

_She was just about to leave, but returned and grabbed me by the waist to then kiss me on the lips for a second, I've never seen her smile at me like that before and I loved it._

"_I love you baby"_

"_I love you more" I said grinning._

"_Good"_

"_Wait what?"_

"_Love youuu!" she screamed and left. This was just the beginning I thought as I went back to the party smiling like a complete idiot, maybe that cold shower could wait, I was finally in the place I wanted to be, with her, together, I'm so fucking happy._

"What are you thinking about?" Shay asked sitting next to me on my dressing's room couch.

"How happy I am"

"Awww, with me?"

"No, with Tyler, of course with you dummy"

"I'm really happy"

"Me too" I said rubbing a thumb on the back of her hand and kissing her forehead, she just giggled and we both lay down and watch tv, well, Shay watched Tv, I was too distracted by her.


End file.
